Before we even start, let's get a collective thought on what I mean by relationship. When I refer to relationship in this post, I'm talking intimate relationship. Ya know, like a girlfriend.
I've never been any good at introductions, so I may as well just tell you how I got this topic. With the introduction of the new author on the blog, I've found a new motivation. With that said, this blog stems from Josh's post on Wednesday. If you don't already know, Josh is the new guy on the stranger, and if you haven't already read his post then you should really take a moment, read it, then come back. Really. I'll wait. All finished? Okay. If you didn't read it, shame on you. In a simple way, he has a fear of raising a child in the coming future based on how kids today act. And it's a pretty reasonable fear, but this post isn't about him or his phobia. Instead, mine precedes the whole off spring thing. I'll be working backwards, do try and keep up.
The Family Thing:
Growing up, I never really had the best familial ties. They were there, just never really like the "TV family" or "nuclear family" or what ever you want to call it. During my teenage years, I cut ties with my father and his side of the family for - a lack of better word - my own mental health. That cut in itself eliminates half of the "family." Moving to my mom's side; yes I still talk to them, but there always seems to be something awry. I can't really put my figure on it, but something is amiss. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've always had the thought of the big family get-togethers, in the back of my mind, as some kind of perfect.
The Kid Thing:
Josh basically sums it up. If I were to raise a kid with my experiences of people, I would be scared out of my mind. I don't really have any other way to expand on what he had said other than to say that I have the same fear - to an extent. How do I explain to my kid where the family is?
The Marriage Thing:
Probably my biggest and most ironic fear. You see, I have this fear of dieing alone. At the same time, I fear marriage for one reason. Divorce. With how high divorce rates are, I fear thinking that I've found the right one just to get into daily arguments leading to shouting matches. It disheartens me. Do I let this stop me? No because of the whole preluding, "not wanting to die alone." Does it hinder? Among other things, yes it does. Which brings me to my next topic.
The Relationship Thing:
Now, I've never claimed to have the best relationships. In fact, I feel as though I hold some notoriety for bad relationships. I can honestly say that, save one, I haven't had a genuine, loving relationship with any girl I've been with. It's just been train wreck after train wreck. In this order, have been my past relationships first to last: she used me to get with another guy, cheated on me, the good one, a harlot, and the last had been married. Yes, you read that correctly. Stories to tell for another time. As you can probably assume, I'm a vegetable medley of distrust and doubt. Still working on it, and I feel as though things could shape up with time.
The Single Thing:
Yes, it is nice being single. You can see it in one of two ways: bad or good. Money you earned if spent on you, more freedom than if you were seeing someone, and of course a quiet phone. But there's also the other side of this. The money you earn can't make you happy. The person you share it with and spend it on can. The freedom is negligible based on the principle that you are with someone. Be faithful.. And the phone? There's someone who cares for you, they like talking to you. Could be a problem.
What you have just read is the paradoxical nature of my thinking. I want to be with someone, but I don't want to be unhappy were it to end. So let me ask you this: What would you do or what have you done or what would you suggest? And don't give the whole, "you're over-thinking" ploy. Let's get some real answers.
-Cam
Friday, January 21, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
A Schedule
Well as you can probably tell, the stranger has a new author and with that comes more posts. Right? Possible As far as my posts, I will attempt to keep a biweekly posting schedule. My posts will usually come on Mondays and Fridays sprinkled with extras every-so-often. As for Josh, you can wait for him to tell you! Hope you all are having a good week and continue to do so. That's it from me for now, expect a new blog Friday!
Much Love,
Cam
Much Love,
Cam
My Secret Public Fear
I would be lying to you if I didn’t say I spend a good amount of time watching tv, so I feel I am quite qualified to say I know what effect tv has on our behavior as people. Anytime something funny or entertaining comes on, you can easily expect 850 out of the 900 people you see in an average day to be talking about it non-stop. If there is news of a potential ailment going around, people go to extreme precautions to prevent contraction of it, no matter how slim the chances may be that they even could do so. Heck, my mom can’t even sleep in a hotel room without being in her own sleeping bag because of some 60 Minutes report on the crazy stuff a handful of people have done in them (I will admit, after watching it, even I was skeptical of some things in hotels, no matter how expensive and fancy).
I say all of this to bring up my #1 secret fear, which subsequently been brought about by tv; raising a child. No, I’m not one of those deadbeat douchebag guys that go around trying to have sex with every female that has a heartbeat, praying that I don’t get a girl pregnant because it would get in the way of my “notch on the bedpost” lifestyle. This fear stems from tv showing me just how terrible kids can behave, and (because of our ever crumbling legal system) how little a parent can do in rebuttal to these little bastards.
To truly know my perspective on this issue, you should know how I was raised. I’ve always been raised in a strong Christian household. As a kid I can remember going to church on Sunday mornings in my best attire, learning the difference between moral right and wrong. My parents were very strict when it came to adhering to the rules of church, and when the big man upstairs didn’t punish me for me being stupid, they DEFINITELY picked up the slack. You see, they believed in one thing that I have noticed that many adults today think is ridiculous; spanking. Caught cheating on a test? Spank. Went into bad parts of the neighborhood? Spank, and if you knew my old neighborhood, you would know why. Talked back to one of my parents like I was crazy? Spank. Starting to catch the trend? I did, hence my lack of bad behavior. But I digress.
Let me paint a picture of what I’m talking about. Let’s look at your average tv family: two parents, two to three kids. Of these children, there is always the one rebellious teenager (or tween, you take your pick). This…demon is usually always in trouble with/questioning authority, with an under-developed sense of understanding and reasoning. He/she will do ANYTHING just to prove the point, that they have free will, and whatever your will is, they will go against it. Any sort of non-physical punishment imposed upon this child is…100% ineffective to say the least. Now, a couple of decades back, if such defiance was to wreak havoc in a household, some serious sense would be whipped into said child. Kids today have a tool though that is practically a trump card for this though. Three words: Child Protective Services.
If a distraught child came to you, crying about their extremely abusive parent, and then the parent comes to you furiously arguing in opposition, who are you going to believe? How would you feel if you went with the parent and that kid ended up dead from abuse? Difficult questions, eh? CPS has to properly asses any call from a child with these kinds of questions. Initially, all cases must be treated as if they are the real thing, which means an investigation would be launched. If people found out about this investigation, they most likely would assume the worst and see you in a new (tainted) light. People then shun you as a new social pariah, your parents disown you, and a giant panda flies out of nowhere to punch you in the face! This may be a worst case scenario, but it’s the kind of stuff that goes through my mind constantly because of tv.
I don’t know, I guess I’m just over-thinking it. I do feel like without some sort of physical punishment for a child, behavioral problem could arise more frequent, but that’s just how I was raised. I’m not talking like Guantanamo Bay style torture, but maybe a quick swat or two to say “Hey, don’t do that!” I supposed only the worst of the worst really go as bad as faking abuse to get their way, but I think at that point there are a lot of different factors going into it, like mental issues. It’s whatever though. I sure am glad we don’t live near pandas though, or I think I’d be a lot more paranoid about this :P
Monday, January 17, 2011
A Decision
To those that have been following me, I apologize for the non-updatedness of the blog. I intend on posting biweekly to keep you all in the loop and entertained. I don't exactly know which way I want to go with the blog so I'll be experimenting with ideas and suggestions throughout the next few months so if the writing style or themesies change, that's what's up. Thank you for the support of you few readers and I hope to make this a thing again.
Until next time,
Cam
Until next time,
Cam
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Yo Momma is so Fat, THAT she has increased risk of cardiac arrest due to high blood pressure
So it's been a while interwebs. How have you been? Let me just apologize in advance for the false post about an upcoming post on that following day. Can you forgive me? Yes? All right then. Let's get this show started.
As you may or may not know, I was kind of, sort of, definitely stuck in North Dakota for about a week longer than planned. The events preceding my fiasco were all well and fine except when I had made the attempt to flee from a blizzard. Mother nature hates me apparently. Well about three hours into the trek back home, the car hits ice, and ends up in about a foot deep worth of snow in the median of an interstate. Long story incredibly short, that car ended up totaled.
But there is some what of a life lesson that can be taken from this. Other than the whole "DON'T USE CRUISE CONTROL ON THE INTERSTATE WHILE OUTRUNNING TERRIBLE WEATHER" thing. Dumb, I know now. Well in order to not be stranded two hours from a friend's home and ten from my own home, it became necessary to hitch hike. Now I know what you're thinking, "Oh haha, you got raped to get a ride." And no, that's not at all what happened. Instead there was a trucker that got us half-way back to our destination in North Dakota before he had to stop. But he still continued to help! He actually managed to find us a ride all the way back to where we needed to be. They were genuinely good people. As in every situation there was also the complete opposite of just mean, but they don't deserve mention.
I guess the moral of the story is that people from North Dakota and (parts of) Minnesota are actually really nice and the rest of the country could take a lesson in hospitality from these people. I'll put up the story of this venture sometime in the next week.
As you may or may not know, I was kind of, sort of, definitely stuck in North Dakota for about a week longer than planned. The events preceding my fiasco were all well and fine except when I had made the attempt to flee from a blizzard. Mother nature hates me apparently. Well about three hours into the trek back home, the car hits ice, and ends up in about a foot deep worth of snow in the median of an interstate. Long story incredibly short, that car ended up totaled.
But there is some what of a life lesson that can be taken from this. Other than the whole "DON'T USE CRUISE CONTROL ON THE INTERSTATE WHILE OUTRUNNING TERRIBLE WEATHER" thing. Dumb, I know now. Well in order to not be stranded two hours from a friend's home and ten from my own home, it became necessary to hitch hike. Now I know what you're thinking, "Oh haha, you got raped to get a ride." And no, that's not at all what happened. Instead there was a trucker that got us half-way back to our destination in North Dakota before he had to stop. But he still continued to help! He actually managed to find us a ride all the way back to where we needed to be. They were genuinely good people. As in every situation there was also the complete opposite of just mean, but they don't deserve mention.
I guess the moral of the story is that people from North Dakota and (parts of) Minnesota are actually really nice and the rest of the country could take a lesson in hospitality from these people. I'll put up the story of this venture sometime in the next week.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
An Update
Hey internet, a new post is here! Tomorrow, it will be here. It's coming. And I just want to say that I missed you, I love you long time, and I hope you're ready for more readin'. Oh, someone's at the door. Maybe it's common sense. Nope. That died a long time ago =).
AHHHHHHHHHHHH
But to keep you entertained. I bring you music:
AHHHHHHHHHHHH
But to keep you entertained. I bring you music:
Friday, December 10, 2010
If You Read All of This, You Gain Great Wisdom (and the ability to fly)!!
This post is going to be long, but the story must be told. Women are the DEVIL ;P
Earlier today, when I was going through my stuff, I found notes. Notes that I wrote to a girl, a specific girl, so I figured I would tell you guys the story of my very first crush. The first girl I had a really big crush on. Just to give you guys a little insight on who I was and how I've changed, basically.
So there was this girl that I had a crush on back in 8th grade. I'm not going to give her name. I had the hugest, biggest crush on this girl ever. Ever, ever, ever. It was kinda creepy. I mean I didn't stalk her, or anything like that, of course, but I'm just saying crushes in general are kinda creepy, so if you have a crush on anyone, you could be creepy. But the me of 8th grade is no where near the me of now.
In 8th grade, I didn't really have any friends, I had this goofy looking hairstyle, very nerdy, just kind of kept to myself and played video games. But I didn't "fall in love" with this girl because of her physical appearance or anything like that, I mean she was cute, but she just seemed so nice. She was always laughing and making people laugh and stuff, so I thought she was awesome.
So I wrote her a poem. See, I know. Creepy right? So I write her poetry, and I've never met this girl before. Now, in this poem I completely creep out. You know, "you are the sweetest fruit on the tree and I would love to pick you, omg, you're the loveliest thing I've ever seen. Blahblahblah." It was actually way better than that. It was actually a really good poem that if she would've known me, you know, who I was then it would've been okay. Yeah, she didn't, so it was creepy.
I got a letter back from this girl. And this is the first of many. I was fourteen or fifteen? I want to say I was like fourteen. I don't feel like doing addition and what not in my head. But this is the first note:
"Hey Cameron, I have no idea who you are. I'm going to have to say no because I have a boyfriend...." By the way, I didn't mention this, but I totally asked this girl to go out with me, and I've never even talked to her before. "...and you are too young." She was a sophomore, so at the very most she was 16 and I was like 14. Because when you are in middle/high school its your grade that matters, not your age. She was a sophomore and I was an eighth grader, that just wasn't happening. "And I don't know who you are. I'm really sorry. We can be friends though. You just have to make yourself known because I have no idea who you are. I hope this note isn't a prank because if it is, I'm going to be mad. I don't get notes like this often. It just seems a little strange. Well, I gotta go. Bye! Love, ______"
She was so right. I was a creepy little bugger. I was the kid that wore really baggy black pants, and kept my CD player in my pants and just sat around and listened to stuff like Korn. Yeah, I was that kid. Now I hadn't wrote her back, but the next day I got another letter, and it was a poem. So I was like, "Oh, what's this?" And it was really mean. It was like a horrible poem where she was like, "you're a loser and blah blah blah." It was just really bad. It made me feel like a retard basically. So I sent her a note back that just said, you know, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being creepy. I couldn't help it, I just thought you were really cute and I would like to get to know you blah blah blah." I think. I don't know, it could've been creepier than that. I was a creepy little retard.
I don't even know why I kept these. Is it creepy that I kept these notes? I mean, I don't think it is because it is the very first girl that I really ever had a crush on, and she sent me a note. It was like a big part of my life. The very first crush. The very first love. The very first kiss. It goes on and on. But yeah, I kept them because I'm creepy like that I guess. This note:
"Hey Cameron, my friends wrote that last note. I am a poet myself. I have two poems published already. Yes, I am 16. My birthday is March 25. Sorry your friend _____ doesn't have a chance with ______." All right, let me explain this. My friend was another one of those "let's wear baggy jeans and put our CD players in here and listen to Korn" kids and the other girl was my crush's friend. So we wrote these notes at the same time... Yup. Downright creepy. "She is a little freaked out by the whole situation. It is making her uncomfortable. Sorry if the first note was rude, I didn't mean for it to be. I guess I was just a little shocked because someone I didn't even know could feel that way about me. Don't be upset with me because I let everyone read your poem. They thought you were a great writer. So do I. Sorry this note is so sloppy, I am writing it on the stupid bus. Well, I'm about to get off. Write back whenever you like. P.S. What's so great about me anyways? Love, ______"
Now by this point, I'm freaking out because I'm like, "wow! This girl has replied to me twice and I totally have a crush on her!" Yeah, I was very retarded. But the potential that someone I had a crush on wants to continue the conversation with me. So I sent her one back, now I don't have the ones I sent her of course because I sent them to her. It was the "slip them through the locker" type deal. So sad, I was a loser. =) So, this is the first point in my life where I needed a change because everyone thought I was a weirdo with no friends, or that I was gay. I really wanted to stick out, so this girl would like me and talk to me and stuff. So, drastic change. Total attire change, shorter hair, and I believe this is when I got glasses. Had to make myself "attractive." I was no longer going to be the nerdy kid that had no friends. I was going to try to "sex my self up" so this girl would like me. And it worked. All her notes got longer after everything. If anyone has ever told you that appearance and crap doesn't matter, they are either really ugly or really, really hot. Cause most of that crap come from people that are attractive. You know, most of that crap comes from people that are attractive like, "hey, I'm a super model. Don't you worry, appearance doesn't matter." Apparently it does because all of the sudden I'm getting a page long stuff with tiny letters and stuff. So I'm going to read this note now:
"I'm about to go to bed. I just got back from the drive-in. It was great haha. By the way, you don't need to be shy around me. I don't bite... hard haha. I'm pretty nice and easy to talk to I guess. I love to make people laugh. I make _____ laugh all the time. I haven't known her long, she just moved from Bradshaw. I got to her house a lot. People make me angry when they make up rumors about her. This may be off topic, but I still don't understand why you like me so much. There are so many other great girls at this school, and a lot prettier too. Oh well, I guess the heart wants what the heart wants. Your hair looks great by the way. I hardly recognized you. Yes, I like Korn. I like rock. Stuff like Eagles, Kiss, Three Doors Down. I just bought their CD. It's awesome. I love their song 'Here Without You.' Feel free to talk to me anytime you like. If you have a problem, just come to me. I'm a great listener and I give good advice. Yes, a new nickname for you would be nice. I thought blue would be great because you have beautiful blue eyes. Well, I must get in bed. I'm so sleepy. Good night. P.S. If you would like my phone number just ask me for it. Unless your shy. LOL" Hahaha....
That's all from that change. I asked her for her phone number then I talked to her almost every night. Basically every single night. This went on for about two or three weeks and I thought she was awesome. And I thought, "Oh wow, I was getting somewhere." And then one day, I called her house and a guy answered. At the time I knew she had a boyfriend still. Why am I such a dick? I'm a dick. "This chick has a boyfriend, I'm going to keep talking to her. The heart wants what the heart wants hurhurhur." But yeah, a guy answered and this is basically how the conversation went:
Me: "Is ____ there?"
Him: Yeah.
Me: "Can I talk to her?"
Him: No.
Me: "Um... okay, will you tell her Cameron called?"
Him: No.
Me: "Oh, all right." So I hung up.
And she was really weird around me that next day. And we basically had a falling out after that. I was all like, "hey, uhh what's the deal with this and blahblahblah." I don't know. She never really told me. We never really talked about it I guess. But it was like her boyfriend or something like that. I don't know. I really don't know. That was basically my first crush experience. I liked the girl. I changed myself for the girl. That's why a lot of guys will never change themselves again. Most guys are willing to change the first time, and if that doesn't work out, we say forget it. "We are who we are." A lot of girls wonder why guys are dicks, we're usually not. We usually all start out good guys. We usually all start out "the guy that wants the girl and will do anything for the girl and would never ever do her wrong." And then that girl screws over that guy and then the guy becomes the dick.
I'm kind of that way now. I don't really mean to be, but I'm definitely not the same kid I was from middle school or high school because of that experience. Because of the fact that when I liked somebody or whatever it just went to crap. It changed me. It changed who I was as "a man." And it changed who I am now. I was like a closet nerd, and when you're in high school, things are different. It was hard to find someone who likes video games, and likes my kind of music, and all the stuff like that. Those are all the things that my close friends knew, that I was a hardcore nerd. Other than that I was just Cameron, the funny guy, the comedian. I don't think it was until my senior year that I really let people know that I was a dork. I had a giant transformation. I didn't drop my old friends. I've never been that type of guy to drop my old friends for new friends. I've always had the same group of friends and I've just added on to that. Who I was as a person changed.
But yeah, that was my awesome experience. Let me know if you've had any awesome experiences like that. Let me know if they changed you. I mean, of course, I know everything is not like that where the girls always screw over the guys. Maybe you were the girl that did everything for the guy and he screwed you over. Let me know in the comments or whatever. Let me know if there was some "traumatic" experience that changed you into the person you are or that began your journey into a different person. That's pretty much mine. That's pretty much every failure I've had with a girl, I've changed. I think I build myself around the fact that when a girl dumps me or a girl breaks my heart, I want to make myself so awesome that one day, she'll look back and just say, "I messed up. That was Cameron Parks. That was Geoffrey Cameron Parks. He is an BAMF now. Look at him with all his money and all his fame. Look at him with his million-dollar car and million-dollar car and million-dollar dick." I don't know. That's what I build myself around now because I want people to see me one day and honestly be like, "I messed up. I should've been nicer to him." Or, "I shouldn't have broken his heart."
But, I hope you all have an awesome week and hopefully by the next time I write, it will be a little shorter and a little more thought provoking. But in all seriousness let me know what experiences you've had that have changed you.
Earlier today, when I was going through my stuff, I found notes. Notes that I wrote to a girl, a specific girl, so I figured I would tell you guys the story of my very first crush. The first girl I had a really big crush on. Just to give you guys a little insight on who I was and how I've changed, basically.
So there was this girl that I had a crush on back in 8th grade. I'm not going to give her name. I had the hugest, biggest crush on this girl ever. Ever, ever, ever. It was kinda creepy. I mean I didn't stalk her, or anything like that, of course, but I'm just saying crushes in general are kinda creepy, so if you have a crush on anyone, you could be creepy. But the me of 8th grade is no where near the me of now.
In 8th grade, I didn't really have any friends, I had this goofy looking hairstyle, very nerdy, just kind of kept to myself and played video games. But I didn't "fall in love" with this girl because of her physical appearance or anything like that, I mean she was cute, but she just seemed so nice. She was always laughing and making people laugh and stuff, so I thought she was awesome.
So I wrote her a poem. See, I know. Creepy right? So I write her poetry, and I've never met this girl before. Now, in this poem I completely creep out. You know, "you are the sweetest fruit on the tree and I would love to pick you, omg, you're the loveliest thing I've ever seen. Blahblahblah." It was actually way better than that. It was actually a really good poem that if she would've known me, you know, who I was then it would've been okay. Yeah, she didn't, so it was creepy.
I got a letter back from this girl. And this is the first of many. I was fourteen or fifteen? I want to say I was like fourteen. I don't feel like doing addition and what not in my head. But this is the first note:
"Hey Cameron, I have no idea who you are. I'm going to have to say no because I have a boyfriend...." By the way, I didn't mention this, but I totally asked this girl to go out with me, and I've never even talked to her before. "...and you are too young." She was a sophomore, so at the very most she was 16 and I was like 14. Because when you are in middle/high school its your grade that matters, not your age. She was a sophomore and I was an eighth grader, that just wasn't happening. "And I don't know who you are. I'm really sorry. We can be friends though. You just have to make yourself known because I have no idea who you are. I hope this note isn't a prank because if it is, I'm going to be mad. I don't get notes like this often. It just seems a little strange. Well, I gotta go. Bye! Love, ______"
She was so right. I was a creepy little bugger. I was the kid that wore really baggy black pants, and kept my CD player in my pants and just sat around and listened to stuff like Korn. Yeah, I was that kid. Now I hadn't wrote her back, but the next day I got another letter, and it was a poem. So I was like, "Oh, what's this?" And it was really mean. It was like a horrible poem where she was like, "you're a loser and blah blah blah." It was just really bad. It made me feel like a retard basically. So I sent her a note back that just said, you know, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being creepy. I couldn't help it, I just thought you were really cute and I would like to get to know you blah blah blah." I think. I don't know, it could've been creepier than that. I was a creepy little retard.
I don't even know why I kept these. Is it creepy that I kept these notes? I mean, I don't think it is because it is the very first girl that I really ever had a crush on, and she sent me a note. It was like a big part of my life. The very first crush. The very first love. The very first kiss. It goes on and on. But yeah, I kept them because I'm creepy like that I guess. This note:
"Hey Cameron, my friends wrote that last note. I am a poet myself. I have two poems published already. Yes, I am 16. My birthday is March 25. Sorry your friend _____ doesn't have a chance with ______." All right, let me explain this. My friend was another one of those "let's wear baggy jeans and put our CD players in here and listen to Korn" kids and the other girl was my crush's friend. So we wrote these notes at the same time... Yup. Downright creepy. "She is a little freaked out by the whole situation. It is making her uncomfortable. Sorry if the first note was rude, I didn't mean for it to be. I guess I was just a little shocked because someone I didn't even know could feel that way about me. Don't be upset with me because I let everyone read your poem. They thought you were a great writer. So do I. Sorry this note is so sloppy, I am writing it on the stupid bus. Well, I'm about to get off. Write back whenever you like. P.S. What's so great about me anyways? Love, ______"
Now by this point, I'm freaking out because I'm like, "wow! This girl has replied to me twice and I totally have a crush on her!" Yeah, I was very retarded. But the potential that someone I had a crush on wants to continue the conversation with me. So I sent her one back, now I don't have the ones I sent her of course because I sent them to her. It was the "slip them through the locker" type deal. So sad, I was a loser. =) So, this is the first point in my life where I needed a change because everyone thought I was a weirdo with no friends, or that I was gay. I really wanted to stick out, so this girl would like me and talk to me and stuff. So, drastic change. Total attire change, shorter hair, and I believe this is when I got glasses. Had to make myself "attractive." I was no longer going to be the nerdy kid that had no friends. I was going to try to "sex my self up" so this girl would like me. And it worked. All her notes got longer after everything. If anyone has ever told you that appearance and crap doesn't matter, they are either really ugly or really, really hot. Cause most of that crap come from people that are attractive. You know, most of that crap comes from people that are attractive like, "hey, I'm a super model. Don't you worry, appearance doesn't matter." Apparently it does because all of the sudden I'm getting a page long stuff with tiny letters and stuff. So I'm going to read this note now:
"I'm about to go to bed. I just got back from the drive-in. It was great haha. By the way, you don't need to be shy around me. I don't bite... hard haha. I'm pretty nice and easy to talk to I guess. I love to make people laugh. I make _____ laugh all the time. I haven't known her long, she just moved from Bradshaw. I got to her house a lot. People make me angry when they make up rumors about her. This may be off topic, but I still don't understand why you like me so much. There are so many other great girls at this school, and a lot prettier too. Oh well, I guess the heart wants what the heart wants. Your hair looks great by the way. I hardly recognized you. Yes, I like Korn. I like rock. Stuff like Eagles, Kiss, Three Doors Down. I just bought their CD. It's awesome. I love their song 'Here Without You.' Feel free to talk to me anytime you like. If you have a problem, just come to me. I'm a great listener and I give good advice. Yes, a new nickname for you would be nice. I thought blue would be great because you have beautiful blue eyes. Well, I must get in bed. I'm so sleepy. Good night. P.S. If you would like my phone number just ask me for it. Unless your shy. LOL" Hahaha....
That's all from that change. I asked her for her phone number then I talked to her almost every night. Basically every single night. This went on for about two or three weeks and I thought she was awesome. And I thought, "Oh wow, I was getting somewhere." And then one day, I called her house and a guy answered. At the time I knew she had a boyfriend still. Why am I such a dick? I'm a dick. "This chick has a boyfriend, I'm going to keep talking to her. The heart wants what the heart wants hurhurhur." But yeah, a guy answered and this is basically how the conversation went:
Me: "Is ____ there?"
Him: Yeah.
Me: "Can I talk to her?"
Him: No.
Me: "Um... okay, will you tell her Cameron called?"
Him: No.
Me: "Oh, all right." So I hung up.
And she was really weird around me that next day. And we basically had a falling out after that. I was all like, "hey, uhh what's the deal with this and blahblahblah." I don't know. She never really told me. We never really talked about it I guess. But it was like her boyfriend or something like that. I don't know. I really don't know. That was basically my first crush experience. I liked the girl. I changed myself for the girl. That's why a lot of guys will never change themselves again. Most guys are willing to change the first time, and if that doesn't work out, we say forget it. "We are who we are." A lot of girls wonder why guys are dicks, we're usually not. We usually all start out good guys. We usually all start out "the guy that wants the girl and will do anything for the girl and would never ever do her wrong." And then that girl screws over that guy and then the guy becomes the dick.
I'm kind of that way now. I don't really mean to be, but I'm definitely not the same kid I was from middle school or high school because of that experience. Because of the fact that when I liked somebody or whatever it just went to crap. It changed me. It changed who I was as "a man." And it changed who I am now. I was like a closet nerd, and when you're in high school, things are different. It was hard to find someone who likes video games, and likes my kind of music, and all the stuff like that. Those are all the things that my close friends knew, that I was a hardcore nerd. Other than that I was just Cameron, the funny guy, the comedian. I don't think it was until my senior year that I really let people know that I was a dork. I had a giant transformation. I didn't drop my old friends. I've never been that type of guy to drop my old friends for new friends. I've always had the same group of friends and I've just added on to that. Who I was as a person changed.
But yeah, that was my awesome experience. Let me know if you've had any awesome experiences like that. Let me know if they changed you. I mean, of course, I know everything is not like that where the girls always screw over the guys. Maybe you were the girl that did everything for the guy and he screwed you over. Let me know in the comments or whatever. Let me know if there was some "traumatic" experience that changed you into the person you are or that began your journey into a different person. That's pretty much mine. That's pretty much every failure I've had with a girl, I've changed. I think I build myself around the fact that when a girl dumps me or a girl breaks my heart, I want to make myself so awesome that one day, she'll look back and just say, "I messed up. That was Cameron Parks. That was Geoffrey Cameron Parks. He is an BAMF now. Look at him with all his money and all his fame. Look at him with his million-dollar car and million-dollar car and million-dollar dick." I don't know. That's what I build myself around now because I want people to see me one day and honestly be like, "I messed up. I should've been nicer to him." Or, "I shouldn't have broken his heart."
But, I hope you all have an awesome week and hopefully by the next time I write, it will be a little shorter and a little more thought provoking. But in all seriousness let me know what experiences you've had that have changed you.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Grades, Education, and Possibly Some Motivation (Whateva')
EDIT: I've had a few complaints about the fluidity of this post, and believe me I've read it too. It is choppy for one main reason - it's cleaned up. The original was a harsh read as far as language and words, so I opted for rapids rather than a stream. Sorry. If you want the "Parental Advisory" post, let me know. If enough people want it, I will deliver, OR I can just send it to the individuals that want it. Keep in mind that all posts up to now have an uncensored version so you can ask for those too. Much love.
Who is your inspiration, like, how gives you more inspiration than anyone else? Now before I answer that, I want you to take a second, minute, hour and answer that for yourself.
Now my answer to who inspires me, of course the obvious ones, there are people like my mom or people who overcome things. It bothers me when people say, "Oh yeah, well my inspiration, my idol is Lebron James." Lebron James is 18 feet tall, if he could not dunk a ball over someone's head, he should be shot in the face like a horse who has a limp. But if there's one, specific person who inspires me, it's myself for overcoming myself every day. I am the most self-destructive person on the planet. =)
But honestly, there are two main inspirations in my life. You know, the thing that kept me kinda diggin' the whole knowledge thing. You know, growing up in middle school and high school, I never really got the attention of girls. It didn't really happen until the beginning of college when I sorta' came out of my social shell. That and when I lost so much weight part way into high school cause I was a huge when I was little. During the high school, I was just this skinny kid without a personality. Yeah, still working on that whole personality thing. Which if you're a girl you know that a fit dude with a fat guy personality is just amazing. Same thing for the guys when you find a pretty girl with a personality, you're saying, "What happened to you!? Are you from the future!? Bring me to your magical time machine!" Because, obviously, hot girls in the future have gotten hotter and what they see as ugly is still a 10 in our books. And all of the sudden it's just like, "omg, girls like me?", the guys are like, "your cool...dude, man." This was three months ago, the slang was completely different back then, you know broheme? People like me for being me? What is wrong with this world!?
And of course there's just the opposite spectrum of just hate. Haters, haters. Not even just people from the interwebs, just people who are just mean and rude and you're just like, "dude, I'm going to be so much better than you so I can look back at you and just be like, 'what a schmuck.'" Is it petty and mean-spirited, yes. And probably makes me a very bad person, but there's nothing like winning at life. You want to get inspired? Get angry. Someone calls you fat: lose that weight and then do something crazy (I cleaned that up... a bunch, be happy). Thus you win. Check mate. And as you can probably tell, anger has always been my biggest inspiration. Though, most of it has not been as evil. Or of hearing, "no you can't," all the time and then doing it. Really how can you change without a little destruction in the first place?
Now, what I think really matters, as far as motivation in education, is that kids are doing things that they are interested in, that they are tapping that drive to do stuff because it's fascinating, just tapping that curiosity. And just encouraging a sense of rigor that comes from the internal desire to master what they love not because it pays $x, or it gets you y, but because they understand how it all fits together. That kids are motivated by the joy of learning itself. Those are the things that, I think, the very best educators have been fighting for, but the trouble if that they've been fighting in a system that, often, suffocates that.
The purpose of grades is a form of feedback. The reason we want it to be that is because we want to know how we are doing, and the reason we want to know how we are doing is because we want to get better at what we are doing. But I think that point has been lost. That is, we often see grades as the goal, grades are the whole point of why you're doing what you're doing. And what that does, there has been research on this and it has been pretty clear, is that it allows to "perform" very well in the short-term, but it doesn't lead to any kind of enduring learning and leads to less profound kinds of learning. I don't have a single answer here. I don't know if the answer is eliminating grades, that seems to be a bit radical, but maybe that is the solution. But I think, getting back to first principles, they're a great form of feedback, it's getting kids involved in the process, yet in someways it is down-playing their significance. When I was in high-school school, I could've gotten very good grades. Not because I was learning anything, but because I knew the way to get good grades was to give the authority figure what he or she wanted it on time and neatly. It fosters a sense of compliance rather than engagement and it really short-changes kids over the long-haul.
But, of course, if you have any questions for me, just send them as a comment or look me up on facebook.
Who is your inspiration, like, how gives you more inspiration than anyone else? Now before I answer that, I want you to take a second, minute, hour and answer that for yourself.
Now my answer to who inspires me, of course the obvious ones, there are people like my mom or people who overcome things. It bothers me when people say, "Oh yeah, well my inspiration, my idol is Lebron James." Lebron James is 18 feet tall, if he could not dunk a ball over someone's head, he should be shot in the face like a horse who has a limp. But if there's one, specific person who inspires me, it's myself for overcoming myself every day. I am the most self-destructive person on the planet. =)
But honestly, there are two main inspirations in my life. You know, the thing that kept me kinda diggin' the whole knowledge thing. You know, growing up in middle school and high school, I never really got the attention of girls. It didn't really happen until the beginning of college when I sorta' came out of my social shell. That and when I lost so much weight part way into high school cause I was a huge when I was little. During the high school, I was just this skinny kid without a personality. Yeah, still working on that whole personality thing. Which if you're a girl you know that a fit dude with a fat guy personality is just amazing. Same thing for the guys when you find a pretty girl with a personality, you're saying, "What happened to you!? Are you from the future!? Bring me to your magical time machine!" Because, obviously, hot girls in the future have gotten hotter and what they see as ugly is still a 10 in our books. And all of the sudden it's just like, "omg, girls like me?", the guys are like, "your cool...dude, man." This was three months ago, the slang was completely different back then, you know broheme? People like me for being me? What is wrong with this world!?
And of course there's just the opposite spectrum of just hate. Haters, haters. Not even just people from the interwebs, just people who are just mean and rude and you're just like, "dude, I'm going to be so much better than you so I can look back at you and just be like, 'what a schmuck.'" Is it petty and mean-spirited, yes. And probably makes me a very bad person, but there's nothing like winning at life. You want to get inspired? Get angry. Someone calls you fat: lose that weight and then do something crazy (I cleaned that up... a bunch, be happy). Thus you win. Check mate. And as you can probably tell, anger has always been my biggest inspiration. Though, most of it has not been as evil. Or of hearing, "no you can't," all the time and then doing it. Really how can you change without a little destruction in the first place?
Now, what I think really matters, as far as motivation in education, is that kids are doing things that they are interested in, that they are tapping that drive to do stuff because it's fascinating, just tapping that curiosity. And just encouraging a sense of rigor that comes from the internal desire to master what they love not because it pays $x, or it gets you y, but because they understand how it all fits together. That kids are motivated by the joy of learning itself. Those are the things that, I think, the very best educators have been fighting for, but the trouble if that they've been fighting in a system that, often, suffocates that.
The purpose of grades is a form of feedback. The reason we want it to be that is because we want to know how we are doing, and the reason we want to know how we are doing is because we want to get better at what we are doing. But I think that point has been lost. That is, we often see grades as the goal, grades are the whole point of why you're doing what you're doing. And what that does, there has been research on this and it has been pretty clear, is that it allows to "perform" very well in the short-term, but it doesn't lead to any kind of enduring learning and leads to less profound kinds of learning. I don't have a single answer here. I don't know if the answer is eliminating grades, that seems to be a bit radical, but maybe that is the solution. But I think, getting back to first principles, they're a great form of feedback, it's getting kids involved in the process, yet in someways it is down-playing their significance. When I was in high-school school, I could've gotten very good grades. Not because I was learning anything, but because I knew the way to get good grades was to give the authority figure what he or she wanted it on time and neatly. It fosters a sense of compliance rather than engagement and it really short-changes kids over the long-haul.
But, of course, if you have any questions for me, just send them as a comment or look me up on facebook.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Update Soon!
At some point within the next day or two another blog will be up! I want to thank everyone for their support, and I plan to keep delivering. Also, I want to apologize for the lack of a more recent blog, I'll try to remain a little more consistent.
I'm also open to topic suggestions, so if you have something you want me to talk about all you have to do is let me know!
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