That I have no idea what this post is going to be about? Cause I did. The only real thing that's been on my mind would have to be schools. I'm in the process of lining things up to move and start at a new university.
With that comes the whole finding a place of residence, people that don't suck, and orienting ones self with the new environment. Sorry that this is lame. It'll get better <3
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
So I've Been Thinking
No long rant or moral lesson tonight. Just one question.
How do you show someone you love them?
Friday, March 11, 2011
Japan on the Verge of a Nuclear Disaster
No doubt you've heard about the tragedy that's befallen Japan, unless you were busy watching Jersey Shore or Teen Mom 2(admit it, you were). If you haven't heard, Japan was hit with a 8.8 magnitude earthquake early this morning with 7.0 magnitude aftershocks causing 15-30ft waves that crashed into the shores of Japan. Because of this, people are evacuating the coasts and some are even still waiting to be rescued. The tsunami's waves caused a nuclear power plant's power to be knocked out, but the back up generators didn't work, so now the plant is unable to cool its self and people in the surrounding areas are being evacuated from there as well.
But the waves aren't isolated to just Japan. There have been reports of the tsunami's waves traveling at about 500mph towards Hawaii and the western coast of the United States. It's pretty frightening to think about waves moving as fast as a jetliner. People living in low-elevation areas are advised to evacuate until the waves have died down.
I feel it's appropriate to also note that the Red Cross is gathering funds for relief. You can also text REDCROSS to 90999 to donate $10 to the relief effort. The amount is automatically added to your phone bill. If you can donate, do it. If you can't, spread awareness.
I just hope that you all keep Japan and its people in your thoughts and prayers.
But the waves aren't isolated to just Japan. There have been reports of the tsunami's waves traveling at about 500mph towards Hawaii and the western coast of the United States. It's pretty frightening to think about waves moving as fast as a jetliner. People living in low-elevation areas are advised to evacuate until the waves have died down.
I feel it's appropriate to also note that the Red Cross is gathering funds for relief. You can also text REDCROSS to 90999 to donate $10 to the relief effort. The amount is automatically added to your phone bill. If you can donate, do it. If you can't, spread awareness.
I just hope that you all keep Japan and its people in your thoughts and prayers.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Define: Character
Here we go, finding a common ground of a word. A definition if you will.
Dictionary.com defines character as "the aggregate of features and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing." This was the first definition and the one we're going to be focusing on as well as the fourth "qualities of honesty, courage, or the like; integrity."
Too often these days I hear the slander and rumors spread about people. I've heard them about myself, I've heard them about my best friend, I've probably even heard them about you. In no way am I trying to limit your "freedom of speech," but let's get one thing straight: what is the point? What does that say about you if you're the perpetrator of said bashing? Ask anyone and they'll probably call you two-faced, a liar, a cheat, any number of things. So again, what's the point?
I can understand where some these things come from. You know? A story gets misinterpreted, misunderstood, embellished, and then there's also the wonderful double-standard. But it seems, more often than not, a story is made up and names are called. It comes back to the old adage of "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." And there's a lot of truth to that. What is there to gain from tearing down someone's reputation? Think about it.
Even if you don't like a person, there's no good reason to say, "she's such a slut," or, "I heard blahblahblah." It's a matter of integrity. Gossip just doesn't sound good. It falls under the same category as cheating, but that's a post for another time. All I'm saying is take the high road. Avoid the gossip, it'll do you good. Promise.
Now that we've got that rant out of the way, let's get down to what you and I can do. We have a few options; we can a) avoid it, b) confront the slanderous person, c) tell the person(s) being attacked, or d) do nothing. I wouldn't recommend "d" it doesn't end well. If you take "c" you've got the chance of being found out as an "informant" and the receiver of the info of being hurt... in a really big way. "A" gives you the whole blissful ignorance thing and keeps you out of the "corruption." But "b" is the most noble. Stop the slander in it's tracks. Take up for the person no matter who they are.
What you choose is up to you, but keep in mind: would you want rumors said about you or how do you think the gossip makes them feel? What if they found out it was you, and you said you were their friend?
Dictionary.com defines character as "the aggregate of features and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing." This was the first definition and the one we're going to be focusing on as well as the fourth "qualities of honesty, courage, or the like; integrity."
Too often these days I hear the slander and rumors spread about people. I've heard them about myself, I've heard them about my best friend, I've probably even heard them about you. In no way am I trying to limit your "freedom of speech," but let's get one thing straight: what is the point? What does that say about you if you're the perpetrator of said bashing? Ask anyone and they'll probably call you two-faced, a liar, a cheat, any number of things. So again, what's the point?
I can understand where some these things come from. You know? A story gets misinterpreted, misunderstood, embellished, and then there's also the wonderful double-standard. But it seems, more often than not, a story is made up and names are called. It comes back to the old adage of "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." And there's a lot of truth to that. What is there to gain from tearing down someone's reputation? Think about it.
Even if you don't like a person, there's no good reason to say, "she's such a slut," or, "I heard blahblahblah." It's a matter of integrity. Gossip just doesn't sound good. It falls under the same category as cheating, but that's a post for another time. All I'm saying is take the high road. Avoid the gossip, it'll do you good. Promise.
Now that we've got that rant out of the way, let's get down to what you and I can do. We have a few options; we can a) avoid it, b) confront the slanderous person, c) tell the person(s) being attacked, or d) do nothing. I wouldn't recommend "d" it doesn't end well. If you take "c" you've got the chance of being found out as an "informant" and the receiver of the info of being hurt... in a really big way. "A" gives you the whole blissful ignorance thing and keeps you out of the "corruption." But "b" is the most noble. Stop the slander in it's tracks. Take up for the person no matter who they are.
What you choose is up to you, but keep in mind: would you want rumors said about you or how do you think the gossip makes them feel? What if they found out it was you, and you said you were their friend?
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Secrets and You!
I've literally been thinking about secrets all day. Is this a good thing? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that "Secrets" has played about 50 gazillion times today.
What if everyone or even just one person knew your secrets? All the things you've done that you've ever done out of shame, lust, vengeance, the things you aren't proud of, everything. Speaking for myself, I think whoever knew would be very, very shocked. I've done stuff that I'm not proud of, I've had stuff done to me that I'm not proud of, I have things that I'm not proud of.
With that said, I've also thought about giving all mine away. Much like the song. It would be a burden but so liberating. Everyone has their secrets though. Should I keep mine?
There isn't much more I can elaborate on at the moment, so I decided to keep this one short. Have a great weekend guys, a post should be up Monday! =)
What if everyone or even just one person knew your secrets? All the things you've done that you've ever done out of shame, lust, vengeance, the things you aren't proud of, everything. Speaking for myself, I think whoever knew would be very, very shocked. I've done stuff that I'm not proud of, I've had stuff done to me that I'm not proud of, I have things that I'm not proud of.
With that said, I've also thought about giving all mine away. Much like the song. It would be a burden but so liberating. Everyone has their secrets though. Should I keep mine?
There isn't much more I can elaborate on at the moment, so I decided to keep this one short. Have a great weekend guys, a post should be up Monday! =)
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Cameron Vs. "Love"
Hey boys and girls! Today is February 14, 2011 and I'm not wearing a shirt. I'm wearing a vest and that's because I don't want to wear a shirt, but I don't want to be shirtless. Does that make any sense whatsoever? Doesn't have to! Yaaaay. Taa-daa, we're done with that. To the topic:
I feel as though it is appropriate to talk about love on this day, and no not the whole "Love". Yeah, not that. What is love? I think love is something that is really, really confusing. I don't really think it's meant to be understood. A huge pet peeve of mine is when an adult tries to explain what love is. Like a parent for instance. Like 90% of the time, nowadays, since divorce rates are so high, you're getting these "lessons" about love from people that don't know what love is. If your parents knew what love was then they wouldn't be divorced, they would still be married. And hopefully that makes sense to you right there. It would be like if my father tried to explain to me that love is when you get butterflies in your stomach and blahblah. It's like, "you've been divorced... you're telling me that you've gone through this 'emotion' at least once, just to have it not be love in the long run?" You get where I'm going with this?
All right. I think love, like I said, is complicated and possibly different for everybody. I think love is something that is supposed to last forever - if that makes any sense. Love is supposed to be something that conquers all other things. True love for instance. So say, uhh, I don't even know how to put this in words. Love is kinda like God, in my opinion. You can't see it, but you hope it exists. You hope it's there. There's really just no way to explain love, you know? It's that feeling you get, in my opinion, where you just realize that everything is right in the world. LOVE IS THIS -> <3. No, but it's when everything is right and everything just works, but you don't really know why it works it just does. It's not lust. It's not where it's just, "man, I wanna see that person naked." There's a difference. Ugh - sort of like where someone is your best friend and you're allowed to be yourself around them. If that makes any sense.
There are some people that are just saying, "oh man, I totally love this chick." And you realize that they're not said person. Like when they're around their "significant other" they don't tell the same jokes, they don't act the same way, and I don't think that's love. I think that's an illusion. So basically you're in love with a figment of your own imagination. You're in love with something that doesn't really exist. They love who you act like when you're with them. I don't know, it's hard to explain.
I think true love is something that you know it when you find it, and it works. You can't explain why it works, you just can't. It just works. You just have to go with the flow. I also think that people are afraid to find love - if that makes sense. Either because they've been hurt so many times or they're just scared to get back out there to get hurt again. But the point is that you have to do that, and if you don't then you're just going to be lonely. And being lonely is just horrible.
So... I just don't know. It's hard to explain. And that's just kinda my two cents on what love is. You don't even have to take my word on it or agree with anything I say. When someone asks me, "have you ever been in love?" At the time I thought it was love, but clearly it's not because I'm not with that person anymore. I didn't overcome the hardships that we wen't through together, you know. That wasn't love, that was just lust. At the time I thought it was love, but no. I think you can love more than one person (NOT AT THE SAME TIME. One heart for one person. That's just how I feel) if that makes any sense. It's just such a touchy subject. Love is just a touchy subject and I don't understand it. At all. It's just one of those things that's like, "I hope I find it, I hope I find love."
Love is something that just works. It's just there, and everything is right, and you overcome the hardships, and you don't know why, and it's just there, and it just works, and it's just amazing. Just let it happen.
Let's take a quick breather from love. Sound good? Sorry I didn't post last week, I've just had a lot going on. Hope you're not bored yet. If you don't know what this blog is about, it's just a place where I'm serious with you all about various topics to keep you entertained and me sane. So continuing on the question of love:
I don't know what it is. I really don't. I'm going to try not to recap what I said before the break and hit on some new stuff, so bare with me.
Honestly, I think that a lot of people have no clue what love is. Especially coming from people who have "been in love" and are no longer with that person, but they try to tell you what love is.
In my mind, there are layers of love. Almost like an onion. A big ol' stinky onion. But you have your true love, your puppy love, all that stuff. What I consider "real, true love" is something that I don't know what it is. I don't even think our parents know what it is. Unless they've been together for like 40 years or they've been together their entire life. Maybe they know what it is. But it comes down to the fact that a majority of people in the world really have no clue what love is and then they try to tell you that, "love is when you get butterflies in your stomach!!!" What if that's not love? What if that's just puppy love or something like that? What if you get no feelings around them? But you're completely comfortable around them. What if it's not someone who gives you butterflies in your stomach, but you can live your life comfortably with them for the rest of your life? What if that's what love is? I only mean this because we really have no clue. It's just a really crazy thing. It bothers me too that adults will look at kids who are in love (basically puppy love) and they'll say something like, "you're not in love! You don't know what love is!" But the thing is, I've known people that have been dating since they were about 13 and have been together ever since. Maybe they did know what love was. Maybe we're the ones who were stupid and didn't know. There's just so many layers to it. It's definitely something hard to answer.
Hopefully this gave you a little insight. I hope you see what love is to me. And that I love you. Yes, let's touch. I'm putting my hand to my screen right now. See, I just ruined a really good post by being stupid.
I'm gonna go. I hope you guys have a really good week. And I promise I will make a post on Friday.
So what about love for you all? What do you think love is? Do you have any pet peeves about love? Have you ever been in love? Real love? Are you in love right now? How long have your parents been together?
I don't know. I just have a lot of questions for you guys cause I love talking to you guys. I love the comments.
I feel as though it is appropriate to talk about love on this day, and no not the whole "Love". Yeah, not that. What is love? I think love is something that is really, really confusing. I don't really think it's meant to be understood. A huge pet peeve of mine is when an adult tries to explain what love is. Like a parent for instance. Like 90% of the time, nowadays, since divorce rates are so high, you're getting these "lessons" about love from people that don't know what love is. If your parents knew what love was then they wouldn't be divorced, they would still be married. And hopefully that makes sense to you right there. It would be like if my father tried to explain to me that love is when you get butterflies in your stomach and blahblah. It's like, "you've been divorced... you're telling me that you've gone through this 'emotion' at least once, just to have it not be love in the long run?" You get where I'm going with this?
All right. I think love, like I said, is complicated and possibly different for everybody. I think love is something that is supposed to last forever - if that makes any sense. Love is supposed to be something that conquers all other things. True love for instance. So say, uhh, I don't even know how to put this in words. Love is kinda like God, in my opinion. You can't see it, but you hope it exists. You hope it's there. There's really just no way to explain love, you know? It's that feeling you get, in my opinion, where you just realize that everything is right in the world. LOVE IS THIS -> <3. No, but it's when everything is right and everything just works, but you don't really know why it works it just does. It's not lust. It's not where it's just, "man, I wanna see that person naked." There's a difference. Ugh - sort of like where someone is your best friend and you're allowed to be yourself around them. If that makes any sense.
There are some people that are just saying, "oh man, I totally love this chick." And you realize that they're not said person. Like when they're around their "significant other" they don't tell the same jokes, they don't act the same way, and I don't think that's love. I think that's an illusion. So basically you're in love with a figment of your own imagination. You're in love with something that doesn't really exist. They love who you act like when you're with them. I don't know, it's hard to explain.
I think true love is something that you know it when you find it, and it works. You can't explain why it works, you just can't. It just works. You just have to go with the flow. I also think that people are afraid to find love - if that makes sense. Either because they've been hurt so many times or they're just scared to get back out there to get hurt again. But the point is that you have to do that, and if you don't then you're just going to be lonely. And being lonely is just horrible.
So... I just don't know. It's hard to explain. And that's just kinda my two cents on what love is. You don't even have to take my word on it or agree with anything I say. When someone asks me, "have you ever been in love?" At the time I thought it was love, but clearly it's not because I'm not with that person anymore. I didn't overcome the hardships that we wen't through together, you know. That wasn't love, that was just lust. At the time I thought it was love, but no. I think you can love more than one person (NOT AT THE SAME TIME. One heart for one person. That's just how I feel) if that makes any sense. It's just such a touchy subject. Love is just a touchy subject and I don't understand it. At all. It's just one of those things that's like, "I hope I find it, I hope I find love."
Love is something that just works. It's just there, and everything is right, and you overcome the hardships, and you don't know why, and it's just there, and it just works, and it's just amazing. Just let it happen.
Let's take a quick breather from love. Sound good? Sorry I didn't post last week, I've just had a lot going on. Hope you're not bored yet. If you don't know what this blog is about, it's just a place where I'm serious with you all about various topics to keep you entertained and me sane. So continuing on the question of love:
I don't know what it is. I really don't. I'm going to try not to recap what I said before the break and hit on some new stuff, so bare with me.
Honestly, I think that a lot of people have no clue what love is. Especially coming from people who have "been in love" and are no longer with that person, but they try to tell you what love is.
In my mind, there are layers of love. Almost like an onion. A big ol' stinky onion. But you have your true love, your puppy love, all that stuff. What I consider "real, true love" is something that I don't know what it is. I don't even think our parents know what it is. Unless they've been together for like 40 years or they've been together their entire life. Maybe they know what it is. But it comes down to the fact that a majority of people in the world really have no clue what love is and then they try to tell you that, "love is when you get butterflies in your stomach!!!" What if that's not love? What if that's just puppy love or something like that? What if you get no feelings around them? But you're completely comfortable around them. What if it's not someone who gives you butterflies in your stomach, but you can live your life comfortably with them for the rest of your life? What if that's what love is? I only mean this because we really have no clue. It's just a really crazy thing. It bothers me too that adults will look at kids who are in love (basically puppy love) and they'll say something like, "you're not in love! You don't know what love is!" But the thing is, I've known people that have been dating since they were about 13 and have been together ever since. Maybe they did know what love was. Maybe we're the ones who were stupid and didn't know. There's just so many layers to it. It's definitely something hard to answer.
Hopefully this gave you a little insight. I hope you see what love is to me. And that I love you. Yes, let's touch. I'm putting my hand to my screen right now. See, I just ruined a really good post by being stupid.
I'm gonna go. I hope you guys have a really good week. And I promise I will make a post on Friday.
So what about love for you all? What do you think love is? Do you have any pet peeves about love? Have you ever been in love? Real love? Are you in love right now? How long have your parents been together?
I don't know. I just have a lot of questions for you guys cause I love talking to you guys. I love the comments.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Adventures Pt. 2
Since we were back in North Dakota with no means of personal transportation back home, the next obvious step was to secure transportation back to Indiana. Keep in mind this is the 29th. We narrowed down our choices to either taking Amtrak back or a series of buses.
Attempt 1: With our luck, there was an Amtrak leaving the next morning at 1AM with a stop in Chicago. We ordered ordered our tickets and were set to pick them up when we arrived at the station. This is where the blizzard decided to roll in. The train wasn't canceled that morning. So my traveling companion, the army lad we met, and myself decided to brave the storm. Well that's all fine and well... if we could get out of the drive way. What ended up happening is that we got to the end of the drive way, and with the sheer amount of snow we got stuck. Not just typical stuck, but more of we were sitting on the snow and the tires weren't even touching the ground stuck. So we shoveled the truck back to ground level and drove it back up the drive way. First attempt failed. We rescheduled our tickets for the following day.
Attempt 2: Having tickets ready for the following morning was more of an... inconvenience than anything. On the morning of the 30th, Amtrak calls us. The train for the morning of the 31st is canceled because of the blizzard. After a little bit of research, the trains wouldn't be back up until Saturday. When we go to reschedule for Saturday, it is full. The next available? Wednesday. The 5th. By this point I've also already missed a few days of work as well. Ultimately a fail. We gave up on the tram.
Attempt 3: The bus. Considering the interstate and local roads were closed except for emergency vehicles, we weren't getting out until Saturday at the earliest. Which ended up not happening. We left Sunday afternoon en route to Minneapolis. In a few words, this was the worst bus ride I have ever been on. Not because the cabin wasn't nice, it was. And not because some kid screaming, it was silence. But rather because of the fact that the driver thought it was a good idea to accelerate and decelerate, accelerate and decelerate the entire 4 hours. Now I typically wouldn't have minded except for the fact of the preceding events. We arrived in Minneapolis four miserable hours later. What did we learn here? There was a crack house about a block away, the police that were stationed there were douches, the "help desk" people were of no help, and the whole environment was just all together sketchy. After an hour layover in Minneapolis, we were on our way once more. Only this time, our destination was Chicago. The remainder of our trip was not bad at all. We arrived at Chicago at about nine in the morning, and in back home at about 1 in the evening. Only to have work the same day. Yaaaaay...
And now for the car...
Attempt 1: With our luck, there was an Amtrak leaving the next morning at 1AM with a stop in Chicago. We ordered ordered our tickets and were set to pick them up when we arrived at the station. This is where the blizzard decided to roll in. The train wasn't canceled that morning. So my traveling companion, the army lad we met, and myself decided to brave the storm. Well that's all fine and well... if we could get out of the drive way. What ended up happening is that we got to the end of the drive way, and with the sheer amount of snow we got stuck. Not just typical stuck, but more of we were sitting on the snow and the tires weren't even touching the ground stuck. So we shoveled the truck back to ground level and drove it back up the drive way. First attempt failed. We rescheduled our tickets for the following day.
Attempt 2: Having tickets ready for the following morning was more of an... inconvenience than anything. On the morning of the 30th, Amtrak calls us. The train for the morning of the 31st is canceled because of the blizzard. After a little bit of research, the trains wouldn't be back up until Saturday. When we go to reschedule for Saturday, it is full. The next available? Wednesday. The 5th. By this point I've also already missed a few days of work as well. Ultimately a fail. We gave up on the tram.
Attempt 3: The bus. Considering the interstate and local roads were closed except for emergency vehicles, we weren't getting out until Saturday at the earliest. Which ended up not happening. We left Sunday afternoon en route to Minneapolis. In a few words, this was the worst bus ride I have ever been on. Not because the cabin wasn't nice, it was. And not because some kid screaming, it was silence. But rather because of the fact that the driver thought it was a good idea to accelerate and decelerate, accelerate and decelerate the entire 4 hours. Now I typically wouldn't have minded except for the fact of the preceding events. We arrived in Minneapolis four miserable hours later. What did we learn here? There was a crack house about a block away, the police that were stationed there were douches, the "help desk" people were of no help, and the whole environment was just all together sketchy. After an hour layover in Minneapolis, we were on our way once more. Only this time, our destination was Chicago. The remainder of our trip was not bad at all. We arrived at Chicago at about nine in the morning, and in back home at about 1 in the evening. Only to have work the same day. Yaaaaay...
And now for the car...
Friday, February 4, 2011
I have some explaining to do (Schedule for me too)
Oh yeah, that rhymed by the way.
So, the reason I haven't really been posting lately has to do with the ridiculously busy schedule I've gotten ever since turning 18. I'm finding it harder and harder to find time to get some serious writing done. I've done a lot of thinking though, and I've decided on a Wednesday schedule for writing/posting. It's perfect spacing between Cameron's, and it's only once a week (for now...). That being said, expect a long one this Wednesday coming. That's all for now.
-Josh
So, the reason I haven't really been posting lately has to do with the ridiculously busy schedule I've gotten ever since turning 18. I'm finding it harder and harder to find time to get some serious writing done. I've done a lot of thinking though, and I've decided on a Wednesday schedule for writing/posting. It's perfect spacing between Cameron's, and it's only once a week (for now...). That being said, expect a long one this Wednesday coming. That's all for now.
-Josh
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Adventures (An Ongoing Series)
Back in December a friend and myself embarked on a journey to the great white north. North Dakota. Now, to understand why we went, you kind of need to know some background information:
One of my best friends from my childhood was on break from basic over prior to Christmas through a week after. I decided that it would be a good idea to go visit him. The next time he will be back is in the summer of this year (as far as I know). And so began the adventure north.
One of my best friends from my childhood was on break from basic over prior to Christmas through a week after. I decided that it would be a good idea to go visit him. The next time he will be back is in the summer of this year (as far as I know). And so began the adventure north.
We left from central Indiana heading towards Illinois, and this wasn't at all a problem. The problems occurred as we headed farther North.
As soon as we entered Iowa there was a fog. Not just a small patch, but the entire time we were going through there was fog. The distance visible was roughly two feet from the front of the car, so it wasn't exactly the safest adventure thus far.
We entered Minnesota and the fog immediately lifted. The drive was looking up. Other than the fact that the state was cold, there is nothing worth mentioning. It was amazing, though. I feel you should know that.
Early in the morning on the 27th, we arrived at our destination at West Fargo, North Dakota. The events that transpired there are of no importance. The main thing, if anything, to gather from this is the travel parts. The nightmare aspects of this adventure - traveling. Total money spent going up was
We had originally planned on being there from the 27th through the 30th. That's not how it went down. On the 28th we got news that a blizzard was rolling across North Dakota, Minnesota, and part of Montana at around 10 PM on the 29th. So we planned ahead and intended to leave on the 29th around 6PM so that we had plenty of time to beat the storm. We did just that by leaving at that time.
We only made it two hours on the interstate when we hit a patch of black ice in Minnesota which quickly ended up in the median of the interstate... in two feet of snow. A police officer had called a wrecker and had us pulled out ($90). The guy who pulled us out of the median told us that the remaining snow would just fall out as I drove, so I thought nothing of it and we continued. About 10 to 15 minutes down the road, my car had overheated. No warnings - just stalled, switched to neutral, no power steering, no power brakes, nothing. Moments later the same cop that had us pulled out showed up behind us. He pushed us from the median to the outside of the interstate and left moments later. Little did I know that there was snow caked in my radiator. We then called the same wrecker and had him pull us back to his shop for the car to be looked at ($120). After trial and error it was determined that the engine either had a cracked block or gasket estimated, at the time, was to be a minimum of $2k.
Enough about the car for now. After the assessment of the damage we were taken to a truck stop to find out what we need to do, get food, and just gather our thoughts. We arrived at the stop at about 9PM central. While we were there, we had about 20 cups of coffee and made about 40 calls around seeing what we could, who we could stay with, lodging, and things of the like. After about four hours of being at the truck stop, we were introduced to a trucker who was heading to Fargo and we were invited to go with him. Things were looking up, but there was a catch. He wasn't leaving until 7 the next morning. We had 6 hours to kill. For a while we had passed time doing crosswords which filled about a whole two hours of time. Food seemed like the next logical situation. The boredom set in and endless texts began, and the migration from one end of the lodge to the other began. We made our way to the opposite side of the lodge to find a TV and a slew of "waiting room" chairs. My companion decided to sleep, so I took to a silent vigil over our belongings. For three hours I sat watching Fox News. Three. Hours. Dreadful. Down right dreadful. Time dragged on and our ride with our new acquaintance was all to far.
Seven couldn't have gotten there sooner, but when it did get there it was the most relieving feeling. We boarded the big-rig and began our return to Fargo. My friend had taken to shotgun and I to the cabin in the back. It was finally my turn to sleep. For an hour I slept before we made our next stop at yet another lodge. There, we met another trucker who was not heading the same direction as us, but his generosity was astounding. He knew us for all of 15 minutes and outright paid for our meals. At this point we found out that the blizzard had begun its voyage across Fargo. Our driver was not willing to get stuck up in Fargo - understandable. Luckily for us, he knew of two gentlemen heading the same direction as we were. We were on our way again.
I slept for another hour and when I awoke we were in Fargo. Back to square one minus a car.
Another installment will be posted on Friday. Until then, enjoy the week!
-Cam
Another installment will be posted on Friday. Until then, enjoy the week!
-Cam
Friday, January 21, 2011
Cameron Vs. Family
Before we even start, let's get a collective thought on what I mean by relationship. When I refer to relationship in this post, I'm talking intimate relationship. Ya know, like a girlfriend.
I've never been any good at introductions, so I may as well just tell you how I got this topic. With the introduction of the new author on the blog, I've found a new motivation. With that said, this blog stems from Josh's post on Wednesday. If you don't already know, Josh is the new guy on the stranger, and if you haven't already read his post then you should really take a moment, read it, then come back. Really. I'll wait. All finished? Okay. If you didn't read it, shame on you. In a simple way, he has a fear of raising a child in the coming future based on how kids today act. And it's a pretty reasonable fear, but this post isn't about him or his phobia. Instead, mine precedes the whole off spring thing. I'll be working backwards, do try and keep up.
The Family Thing:
Growing up, I never really had the best familial ties. They were there, just never really like the "TV family" or "nuclear family" or what ever you want to call it. During my teenage years, I cut ties with my father and his side of the family for - a lack of better word - my own mental health. That cut in itself eliminates half of the "family." Moving to my mom's side; yes I still talk to them, but there always seems to be something awry. I can't really put my figure on it, but something is amiss. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've always had the thought of the big family get-togethers, in the back of my mind, as some kind of perfect.
The Kid Thing:
Josh basically sums it up. If I were to raise a kid with my experiences of people, I would be scared out of my mind. I don't really have any other way to expand on what he had said other than to say that I have the same fear - to an extent. How do I explain to my kid where the family is?
The Marriage Thing:
Probably my biggest and most ironic fear. You see, I have this fear of dieing alone. At the same time, I fear marriage for one reason. Divorce. With how high divorce rates are, I fear thinking that I've found the right one just to get into daily arguments leading to shouting matches. It disheartens me. Do I let this stop me? No because of the whole preluding, "not wanting to die alone." Does it hinder? Among other things, yes it does. Which brings me to my next topic.
The Relationship Thing:
Now, I've never claimed to have the best relationships. In fact, I feel as though I hold some notoriety for bad relationships. I can honestly say that, save one, I haven't had a genuine, loving relationship with any girl I've been with. It's just been train wreck after train wreck. In this order, have been my past relationships first to last: she used me to get with another guy, cheated on me, the good one, a harlot, and the last had been married. Yes, you read that correctly. Stories to tell for another time. As you can probably assume, I'm a vegetable medley of distrust and doubt. Still working on it, and I feel as though things could shape up with time.
The Single Thing:
Yes, it is nice being single. You can see it in one of two ways: bad or good. Money you earned if spent on you, more freedom than if you were seeing someone, and of course a quiet phone. But there's also the other side of this. The money you earn can't make you happy. The person you share it with and spend it on can. The freedom is negligible based on the principle that you are with someone. Be faithful.. And the phone? There's someone who cares for you, they like talking to you. Could be a problem.
What you have just read is the paradoxical nature of my thinking. I want to be with someone, but I don't want to be unhappy were it to end. So let me ask you this: What would you do or what have you done or what would you suggest? And don't give the whole, "you're over-thinking" ploy. Let's get some real answers.
-Cam
I've never been any good at introductions, so I may as well just tell you how I got this topic. With the introduction of the new author on the blog, I've found a new motivation. With that said, this blog stems from Josh's post on Wednesday. If you don't already know, Josh is the new guy on the stranger, and if you haven't already read his post then you should really take a moment, read it, then come back. Really. I'll wait. All finished? Okay. If you didn't read it, shame on you. In a simple way, he has a fear of raising a child in the coming future based on how kids today act. And it's a pretty reasonable fear, but this post isn't about him or his phobia. Instead, mine precedes the whole off spring thing. I'll be working backwards, do try and keep up.
The Family Thing:
Growing up, I never really had the best familial ties. They were there, just never really like the "TV family" or "nuclear family" or what ever you want to call it. During my teenage years, I cut ties with my father and his side of the family for - a lack of better word - my own mental health. That cut in itself eliminates half of the "family." Moving to my mom's side; yes I still talk to them, but there always seems to be something awry. I can't really put my figure on it, but something is amiss. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've always had the thought of the big family get-togethers, in the back of my mind, as some kind of perfect.
The Kid Thing:
Josh basically sums it up. If I were to raise a kid with my experiences of people, I would be scared out of my mind. I don't really have any other way to expand on what he had said other than to say that I have the same fear - to an extent. How do I explain to my kid where the family is?
The Marriage Thing:
Probably my biggest and most ironic fear. You see, I have this fear of dieing alone. At the same time, I fear marriage for one reason. Divorce. With how high divorce rates are, I fear thinking that I've found the right one just to get into daily arguments leading to shouting matches. It disheartens me. Do I let this stop me? No because of the whole preluding, "not wanting to die alone." Does it hinder? Among other things, yes it does. Which brings me to my next topic.
The Relationship Thing:
Now, I've never claimed to have the best relationships. In fact, I feel as though I hold some notoriety for bad relationships. I can honestly say that, save one, I haven't had a genuine, loving relationship with any girl I've been with. It's just been train wreck after train wreck. In this order, have been my past relationships first to last: she used me to get with another guy, cheated on me, the good one, a harlot, and the last had been married. Yes, you read that correctly. Stories to tell for another time. As you can probably assume, I'm a vegetable medley of distrust and doubt. Still working on it, and I feel as though things could shape up with time.
The Single Thing:
Yes, it is nice being single. You can see it in one of two ways: bad or good. Money you earned if spent on you, more freedom than if you were seeing someone, and of course a quiet phone. But there's also the other side of this. The money you earn can't make you happy. The person you share it with and spend it on can. The freedom is negligible based on the principle that you are with someone. Be faithful.. And the phone? There's someone who cares for you, they like talking to you. Could be a problem.
What you have just read is the paradoxical nature of my thinking. I want to be with someone, but I don't want to be unhappy were it to end. So let me ask you this: What would you do or what have you done or what would you suggest? And don't give the whole, "you're over-thinking" ploy. Let's get some real answers.
-Cam
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
A Schedule
Well as you can probably tell, the stranger has a new author and with that comes more posts. Right? Possible As far as my posts, I will attempt to keep a biweekly posting schedule. My posts will usually come on Mondays and Fridays sprinkled with extras every-so-often. As for Josh, you can wait for him to tell you! Hope you all are having a good week and continue to do so. That's it from me for now, expect a new blog Friday!
Much Love,
Cam
Much Love,
Cam
My Secret Public Fear
I would be lying to you if I didn’t say I spend a good amount of time watching tv, so I feel I am quite qualified to say I know what effect tv has on our behavior as people. Anytime something funny or entertaining comes on, you can easily expect 850 out of the 900 people you see in an average day to be talking about it non-stop. If there is news of a potential ailment going around, people go to extreme precautions to prevent contraction of it, no matter how slim the chances may be that they even could do so. Heck, my mom can’t even sleep in a hotel room without being in her own sleeping bag because of some 60 Minutes report on the crazy stuff a handful of people have done in them (I will admit, after watching it, even I was skeptical of some things in hotels, no matter how expensive and fancy).
I say all of this to bring up my #1 secret fear, which subsequently been brought about by tv; raising a child. No, I’m not one of those deadbeat douchebag guys that go around trying to have sex with every female that has a heartbeat, praying that I don’t get a girl pregnant because it would get in the way of my “notch on the bedpost” lifestyle. This fear stems from tv showing me just how terrible kids can behave, and (because of our ever crumbling legal system) how little a parent can do in rebuttal to these little bastards.
To truly know my perspective on this issue, you should know how I was raised. I’ve always been raised in a strong Christian household. As a kid I can remember going to church on Sunday mornings in my best attire, learning the difference between moral right and wrong. My parents were very strict when it came to adhering to the rules of church, and when the big man upstairs didn’t punish me for me being stupid, they DEFINITELY picked up the slack. You see, they believed in one thing that I have noticed that many adults today think is ridiculous; spanking. Caught cheating on a test? Spank. Went into bad parts of the neighborhood? Spank, and if you knew my old neighborhood, you would know why. Talked back to one of my parents like I was crazy? Spank. Starting to catch the trend? I did, hence my lack of bad behavior. But I digress.
Let me paint a picture of what I’m talking about. Let’s look at your average tv family: two parents, two to three kids. Of these children, there is always the one rebellious teenager (or tween, you take your pick). This…demon is usually always in trouble with/questioning authority, with an under-developed sense of understanding and reasoning. He/she will do ANYTHING just to prove the point, that they have free will, and whatever your will is, they will go against it. Any sort of non-physical punishment imposed upon this child is…100% ineffective to say the least. Now, a couple of decades back, if such defiance was to wreak havoc in a household, some serious sense would be whipped into said child. Kids today have a tool though that is practically a trump card for this though. Three words: Child Protective Services.
If a distraught child came to you, crying about their extremely abusive parent, and then the parent comes to you furiously arguing in opposition, who are you going to believe? How would you feel if you went with the parent and that kid ended up dead from abuse? Difficult questions, eh? CPS has to properly asses any call from a child with these kinds of questions. Initially, all cases must be treated as if they are the real thing, which means an investigation would be launched. If people found out about this investigation, they most likely would assume the worst and see you in a new (tainted) light. People then shun you as a new social pariah, your parents disown you, and a giant panda flies out of nowhere to punch you in the face! This may be a worst case scenario, but it’s the kind of stuff that goes through my mind constantly because of tv.
I don’t know, I guess I’m just over-thinking it. I do feel like without some sort of physical punishment for a child, behavioral problem could arise more frequent, but that’s just how I was raised. I’m not talking like Guantanamo Bay style torture, but maybe a quick swat or two to say “Hey, don’t do that!” I supposed only the worst of the worst really go as bad as faking abuse to get their way, but I think at that point there are a lot of different factors going into it, like mental issues. It’s whatever though. I sure am glad we don’t live near pandas though, or I think I’d be a lot more paranoid about this :P
Monday, January 17, 2011
A Decision
To those that have been following me, I apologize for the non-updatedness of the blog. I intend on posting biweekly to keep you all in the loop and entertained. I don't exactly know which way I want to go with the blog so I'll be experimenting with ideas and suggestions throughout the next few months so if the writing style or themesies change, that's what's up. Thank you for the support of you few readers and I hope to make this a thing again.
Until next time,
Cam
Until next time,
Cam
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Yo Momma is so Fat, THAT she has increased risk of cardiac arrest due to high blood pressure
So it's been a while interwebs. How have you been? Let me just apologize in advance for the false post about an upcoming post on that following day. Can you forgive me? Yes? All right then. Let's get this show started.
As you may or may not know, I was kind of, sort of, definitely stuck in North Dakota for about a week longer than planned. The events preceding my fiasco were all well and fine except when I had made the attempt to flee from a blizzard. Mother nature hates me apparently. Well about three hours into the trek back home, the car hits ice, and ends up in about a foot deep worth of snow in the median of an interstate. Long story incredibly short, that car ended up totaled.
But there is some what of a life lesson that can be taken from this. Other than the whole "DON'T USE CRUISE CONTROL ON THE INTERSTATE WHILE OUTRUNNING TERRIBLE WEATHER" thing. Dumb, I know now. Well in order to not be stranded two hours from a friend's home and ten from my own home, it became necessary to hitch hike. Now I know what you're thinking, "Oh haha, you got raped to get a ride." And no, that's not at all what happened. Instead there was a trucker that got us half-way back to our destination in North Dakota before he had to stop. But he still continued to help! He actually managed to find us a ride all the way back to where we needed to be. They were genuinely good people. As in every situation there was also the complete opposite of just mean, but they don't deserve mention.
I guess the moral of the story is that people from North Dakota and (parts of) Minnesota are actually really nice and the rest of the country could take a lesson in hospitality from these people. I'll put up the story of this venture sometime in the next week.
As you may or may not know, I was kind of, sort of, definitely stuck in North Dakota for about a week longer than planned. The events preceding my fiasco were all well and fine except when I had made the attempt to flee from a blizzard. Mother nature hates me apparently. Well about three hours into the trek back home, the car hits ice, and ends up in about a foot deep worth of snow in the median of an interstate. Long story incredibly short, that car ended up totaled.
But there is some what of a life lesson that can be taken from this. Other than the whole "DON'T USE CRUISE CONTROL ON THE INTERSTATE WHILE OUTRUNNING TERRIBLE WEATHER" thing. Dumb, I know now. Well in order to not be stranded two hours from a friend's home and ten from my own home, it became necessary to hitch hike. Now I know what you're thinking, "Oh haha, you got raped to get a ride." And no, that's not at all what happened. Instead there was a trucker that got us half-way back to our destination in North Dakota before he had to stop. But he still continued to help! He actually managed to find us a ride all the way back to where we needed to be. They were genuinely good people. As in every situation there was also the complete opposite of just mean, but they don't deserve mention.
I guess the moral of the story is that people from North Dakota and (parts of) Minnesota are actually really nice and the rest of the country could take a lesson in hospitality from these people. I'll put up the story of this venture sometime in the next week.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
An Update
Hey internet, a new post is here! Tomorrow, it will be here. It's coming. And I just want to say that I missed you, I love you long time, and I hope you're ready for more readin'. Oh, someone's at the door. Maybe it's common sense. Nope. That died a long time ago =).
AHHHHHHHHHHHH
But to keep you entertained. I bring you music:
AHHHHHHHHHHHH
But to keep you entertained. I bring you music:
Friday, December 10, 2010
If You Read All of This, You Gain Great Wisdom (and the ability to fly)!!
This post is going to be long, but the story must be told. Women are the DEVIL ;P
Earlier today, when I was going through my stuff, I found notes. Notes that I wrote to a girl, a specific girl, so I figured I would tell you guys the story of my very first crush. The first girl I had a really big crush on. Just to give you guys a little insight on who I was and how I've changed, basically.
So there was this girl that I had a crush on back in 8th grade. I'm not going to give her name. I had the hugest, biggest crush on this girl ever. Ever, ever, ever. It was kinda creepy. I mean I didn't stalk her, or anything like that, of course, but I'm just saying crushes in general are kinda creepy, so if you have a crush on anyone, you could be creepy. But the me of 8th grade is no where near the me of now.
In 8th grade, I didn't really have any friends, I had this goofy looking hairstyle, very nerdy, just kind of kept to myself and played video games. But I didn't "fall in love" with this girl because of her physical appearance or anything like that, I mean she was cute, but she just seemed so nice. She was always laughing and making people laugh and stuff, so I thought she was awesome.
So I wrote her a poem. See, I know. Creepy right? So I write her poetry, and I've never met this girl before. Now, in this poem I completely creep out. You know, "you are the sweetest fruit on the tree and I would love to pick you, omg, you're the loveliest thing I've ever seen. Blahblahblah." It was actually way better than that. It was actually a really good poem that if she would've known me, you know, who I was then it would've been okay. Yeah, she didn't, so it was creepy.
I got a letter back from this girl. And this is the first of many. I was fourteen or fifteen? I want to say I was like fourteen. I don't feel like doing addition and what not in my head. But this is the first note:
"Hey Cameron, I have no idea who you are. I'm going to have to say no because I have a boyfriend...." By the way, I didn't mention this, but I totally asked this girl to go out with me, and I've never even talked to her before. "...and you are too young." She was a sophomore, so at the very most she was 16 and I was like 14. Because when you are in middle/high school its your grade that matters, not your age. She was a sophomore and I was an eighth grader, that just wasn't happening. "And I don't know who you are. I'm really sorry. We can be friends though. You just have to make yourself known because I have no idea who you are. I hope this note isn't a prank because if it is, I'm going to be mad. I don't get notes like this often. It just seems a little strange. Well, I gotta go. Bye! Love, ______"
She was so right. I was a creepy little bugger. I was the kid that wore really baggy black pants, and kept my CD player in my pants and just sat around and listened to stuff like Korn. Yeah, I was that kid. Now I hadn't wrote her back, but the next day I got another letter, and it was a poem. So I was like, "Oh, what's this?" And it was really mean. It was like a horrible poem where she was like, "you're a loser and blah blah blah." It was just really bad. It made me feel like a retard basically. So I sent her a note back that just said, you know, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being creepy. I couldn't help it, I just thought you were really cute and I would like to get to know you blah blah blah." I think. I don't know, it could've been creepier than that. I was a creepy little retard.
I don't even know why I kept these. Is it creepy that I kept these notes? I mean, I don't think it is because it is the very first girl that I really ever had a crush on, and she sent me a note. It was like a big part of my life. The very first crush. The very first love. The very first kiss. It goes on and on. But yeah, I kept them because I'm creepy like that I guess. This note:
"Hey Cameron, my friends wrote that last note. I am a poet myself. I have two poems published already. Yes, I am 16. My birthday is March 25. Sorry your friend _____ doesn't have a chance with ______." All right, let me explain this. My friend was another one of those "let's wear baggy jeans and put our CD players in here and listen to Korn" kids and the other girl was my crush's friend. So we wrote these notes at the same time... Yup. Downright creepy. "She is a little freaked out by the whole situation. It is making her uncomfortable. Sorry if the first note was rude, I didn't mean for it to be. I guess I was just a little shocked because someone I didn't even know could feel that way about me. Don't be upset with me because I let everyone read your poem. They thought you were a great writer. So do I. Sorry this note is so sloppy, I am writing it on the stupid bus. Well, I'm about to get off. Write back whenever you like. P.S. What's so great about me anyways? Love, ______"
Now by this point, I'm freaking out because I'm like, "wow! This girl has replied to me twice and I totally have a crush on her!" Yeah, I was very retarded. But the potential that someone I had a crush on wants to continue the conversation with me. So I sent her one back, now I don't have the ones I sent her of course because I sent them to her. It was the "slip them through the locker" type deal. So sad, I was a loser. =) So, this is the first point in my life where I needed a change because everyone thought I was a weirdo with no friends, or that I was gay. I really wanted to stick out, so this girl would like me and talk to me and stuff. So, drastic change. Total attire change, shorter hair, and I believe this is when I got glasses. Had to make myself "attractive." I was no longer going to be the nerdy kid that had no friends. I was going to try to "sex my self up" so this girl would like me. And it worked. All her notes got longer after everything. If anyone has ever told you that appearance and crap doesn't matter, they are either really ugly or really, really hot. Cause most of that crap come from people that are attractive. You know, most of that crap comes from people that are attractive like, "hey, I'm a super model. Don't you worry, appearance doesn't matter." Apparently it does because all of the sudden I'm getting a page long stuff with tiny letters and stuff. So I'm going to read this note now:
"I'm about to go to bed. I just got back from the drive-in. It was great haha. By the way, you don't need to be shy around me. I don't bite... hard haha. I'm pretty nice and easy to talk to I guess. I love to make people laugh. I make _____ laugh all the time. I haven't known her long, she just moved from Bradshaw. I got to her house a lot. People make me angry when they make up rumors about her. This may be off topic, but I still don't understand why you like me so much. There are so many other great girls at this school, and a lot prettier too. Oh well, I guess the heart wants what the heart wants. Your hair looks great by the way. I hardly recognized you. Yes, I like Korn. I like rock. Stuff like Eagles, Kiss, Three Doors Down. I just bought their CD. It's awesome. I love their song 'Here Without You.' Feel free to talk to me anytime you like. If you have a problem, just come to me. I'm a great listener and I give good advice. Yes, a new nickname for you would be nice. I thought blue would be great because you have beautiful blue eyes. Well, I must get in bed. I'm so sleepy. Good night. P.S. If you would like my phone number just ask me for it. Unless your shy. LOL" Hahaha....
That's all from that change. I asked her for her phone number then I talked to her almost every night. Basically every single night. This went on for about two or three weeks and I thought she was awesome. And I thought, "Oh wow, I was getting somewhere." And then one day, I called her house and a guy answered. At the time I knew she had a boyfriend still. Why am I such a dick? I'm a dick. "This chick has a boyfriend, I'm going to keep talking to her. The heart wants what the heart wants hurhurhur." But yeah, a guy answered and this is basically how the conversation went:
Me: "Is ____ there?"
Him: Yeah.
Me: "Can I talk to her?"
Him: No.
Me: "Um... okay, will you tell her Cameron called?"
Him: No.
Me: "Oh, all right." So I hung up.
And she was really weird around me that next day. And we basically had a falling out after that. I was all like, "hey, uhh what's the deal with this and blahblahblah." I don't know. She never really told me. We never really talked about it I guess. But it was like her boyfriend or something like that. I don't know. I really don't know. That was basically my first crush experience. I liked the girl. I changed myself for the girl. That's why a lot of guys will never change themselves again. Most guys are willing to change the first time, and if that doesn't work out, we say forget it. "We are who we are." A lot of girls wonder why guys are dicks, we're usually not. We usually all start out good guys. We usually all start out "the guy that wants the girl and will do anything for the girl and would never ever do her wrong." And then that girl screws over that guy and then the guy becomes the dick.
I'm kind of that way now. I don't really mean to be, but I'm definitely not the same kid I was from middle school or high school because of that experience. Because of the fact that when I liked somebody or whatever it just went to crap. It changed me. It changed who I was as "a man." And it changed who I am now. I was like a closet nerd, and when you're in high school, things are different. It was hard to find someone who likes video games, and likes my kind of music, and all the stuff like that. Those are all the things that my close friends knew, that I was a hardcore nerd. Other than that I was just Cameron, the funny guy, the comedian. I don't think it was until my senior year that I really let people know that I was a dork. I had a giant transformation. I didn't drop my old friends. I've never been that type of guy to drop my old friends for new friends. I've always had the same group of friends and I've just added on to that. Who I was as a person changed.
But yeah, that was my awesome experience. Let me know if you've had any awesome experiences like that. Let me know if they changed you. I mean, of course, I know everything is not like that where the girls always screw over the guys. Maybe you were the girl that did everything for the guy and he screwed you over. Let me know in the comments or whatever. Let me know if there was some "traumatic" experience that changed you into the person you are or that began your journey into a different person. That's pretty much mine. That's pretty much every failure I've had with a girl, I've changed. I think I build myself around the fact that when a girl dumps me or a girl breaks my heart, I want to make myself so awesome that one day, she'll look back and just say, "I messed up. That was Cameron Parks. That was Geoffrey Cameron Parks. He is an BAMF now. Look at him with all his money and all his fame. Look at him with his million-dollar car and million-dollar car and million-dollar dick." I don't know. That's what I build myself around now because I want people to see me one day and honestly be like, "I messed up. I should've been nicer to him." Or, "I shouldn't have broken his heart."
But, I hope you all have an awesome week and hopefully by the next time I write, it will be a little shorter and a little more thought provoking. But in all seriousness let me know what experiences you've had that have changed you.
Earlier today, when I was going through my stuff, I found notes. Notes that I wrote to a girl, a specific girl, so I figured I would tell you guys the story of my very first crush. The first girl I had a really big crush on. Just to give you guys a little insight on who I was and how I've changed, basically.
So there was this girl that I had a crush on back in 8th grade. I'm not going to give her name. I had the hugest, biggest crush on this girl ever. Ever, ever, ever. It was kinda creepy. I mean I didn't stalk her, or anything like that, of course, but I'm just saying crushes in general are kinda creepy, so if you have a crush on anyone, you could be creepy. But the me of 8th grade is no where near the me of now.
In 8th grade, I didn't really have any friends, I had this goofy looking hairstyle, very nerdy, just kind of kept to myself and played video games. But I didn't "fall in love" with this girl because of her physical appearance or anything like that, I mean she was cute, but she just seemed so nice. She was always laughing and making people laugh and stuff, so I thought she was awesome.
So I wrote her a poem. See, I know. Creepy right? So I write her poetry, and I've never met this girl before. Now, in this poem I completely creep out. You know, "you are the sweetest fruit on the tree and I would love to pick you, omg, you're the loveliest thing I've ever seen. Blahblahblah." It was actually way better than that. It was actually a really good poem that if she would've known me, you know, who I was then it would've been okay. Yeah, she didn't, so it was creepy.
I got a letter back from this girl. And this is the first of many. I was fourteen or fifteen? I want to say I was like fourteen. I don't feel like doing addition and what not in my head. But this is the first note:
"Hey Cameron, I have no idea who you are. I'm going to have to say no because I have a boyfriend...." By the way, I didn't mention this, but I totally asked this girl to go out with me, and I've never even talked to her before. "...and you are too young." She was a sophomore, so at the very most she was 16 and I was like 14. Because when you are in middle/high school its your grade that matters, not your age. She was a sophomore and I was an eighth grader, that just wasn't happening. "And I don't know who you are. I'm really sorry. We can be friends though. You just have to make yourself known because I have no idea who you are. I hope this note isn't a prank because if it is, I'm going to be mad. I don't get notes like this often. It just seems a little strange. Well, I gotta go. Bye! Love, ______"
She was so right. I was a creepy little bugger. I was the kid that wore really baggy black pants, and kept my CD player in my pants and just sat around and listened to stuff like Korn. Yeah, I was that kid. Now I hadn't wrote her back, but the next day I got another letter, and it was a poem. So I was like, "Oh, what's this?" And it was really mean. It was like a horrible poem where she was like, "you're a loser and blah blah blah." It was just really bad. It made me feel like a retard basically. So I sent her a note back that just said, you know, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being creepy. I couldn't help it, I just thought you were really cute and I would like to get to know you blah blah blah." I think. I don't know, it could've been creepier than that. I was a creepy little retard.
I don't even know why I kept these. Is it creepy that I kept these notes? I mean, I don't think it is because it is the very first girl that I really ever had a crush on, and she sent me a note. It was like a big part of my life. The very first crush. The very first love. The very first kiss. It goes on and on. But yeah, I kept them because I'm creepy like that I guess. This note:
"Hey Cameron, my friends wrote that last note. I am a poet myself. I have two poems published already. Yes, I am 16. My birthday is March 25. Sorry your friend _____ doesn't have a chance with ______." All right, let me explain this. My friend was another one of those "let's wear baggy jeans and put our CD players in here and listen to Korn" kids and the other girl was my crush's friend. So we wrote these notes at the same time... Yup. Downright creepy. "She is a little freaked out by the whole situation. It is making her uncomfortable. Sorry if the first note was rude, I didn't mean for it to be. I guess I was just a little shocked because someone I didn't even know could feel that way about me. Don't be upset with me because I let everyone read your poem. They thought you were a great writer. So do I. Sorry this note is so sloppy, I am writing it on the stupid bus. Well, I'm about to get off. Write back whenever you like. P.S. What's so great about me anyways? Love, ______"
Now by this point, I'm freaking out because I'm like, "wow! This girl has replied to me twice and I totally have a crush on her!" Yeah, I was very retarded. But the potential that someone I had a crush on wants to continue the conversation with me. So I sent her one back, now I don't have the ones I sent her of course because I sent them to her. It was the "slip them through the locker" type deal. So sad, I was a loser. =) So, this is the first point in my life where I needed a change because everyone thought I was a weirdo with no friends, or that I was gay. I really wanted to stick out, so this girl would like me and talk to me and stuff. So, drastic change. Total attire change, shorter hair, and I believe this is when I got glasses. Had to make myself "attractive." I was no longer going to be the nerdy kid that had no friends. I was going to try to "sex my self up" so this girl would like me. And it worked. All her notes got longer after everything. If anyone has ever told you that appearance and crap doesn't matter, they are either really ugly or really, really hot. Cause most of that crap come from people that are attractive. You know, most of that crap comes from people that are attractive like, "hey, I'm a super model. Don't you worry, appearance doesn't matter." Apparently it does because all of the sudden I'm getting a page long stuff with tiny letters and stuff. So I'm going to read this note now:
"I'm about to go to bed. I just got back from the drive-in. It was great haha. By the way, you don't need to be shy around me. I don't bite... hard haha. I'm pretty nice and easy to talk to I guess. I love to make people laugh. I make _____ laugh all the time. I haven't known her long, she just moved from Bradshaw. I got to her house a lot. People make me angry when they make up rumors about her. This may be off topic, but I still don't understand why you like me so much. There are so many other great girls at this school, and a lot prettier too. Oh well, I guess the heart wants what the heart wants. Your hair looks great by the way. I hardly recognized you. Yes, I like Korn. I like rock. Stuff like Eagles, Kiss, Three Doors Down. I just bought their CD. It's awesome. I love their song 'Here Without You.' Feel free to talk to me anytime you like. If you have a problem, just come to me. I'm a great listener and I give good advice. Yes, a new nickname for you would be nice. I thought blue would be great because you have beautiful blue eyes. Well, I must get in bed. I'm so sleepy. Good night. P.S. If you would like my phone number just ask me for it. Unless your shy. LOL" Hahaha....
That's all from that change. I asked her for her phone number then I talked to her almost every night. Basically every single night. This went on for about two or three weeks and I thought she was awesome. And I thought, "Oh wow, I was getting somewhere." And then one day, I called her house and a guy answered. At the time I knew she had a boyfriend still. Why am I such a dick? I'm a dick. "This chick has a boyfriend, I'm going to keep talking to her. The heart wants what the heart wants hurhurhur." But yeah, a guy answered and this is basically how the conversation went:
Me: "Is ____ there?"
Him: Yeah.
Me: "Can I talk to her?"
Him: No.
Me: "Um... okay, will you tell her Cameron called?"
Him: No.
Me: "Oh, all right." So I hung up.
And she was really weird around me that next day. And we basically had a falling out after that. I was all like, "hey, uhh what's the deal with this and blahblahblah." I don't know. She never really told me. We never really talked about it I guess. But it was like her boyfriend or something like that. I don't know. I really don't know. That was basically my first crush experience. I liked the girl. I changed myself for the girl. That's why a lot of guys will never change themselves again. Most guys are willing to change the first time, and if that doesn't work out, we say forget it. "We are who we are." A lot of girls wonder why guys are dicks, we're usually not. We usually all start out good guys. We usually all start out "the guy that wants the girl and will do anything for the girl and would never ever do her wrong." And then that girl screws over that guy and then the guy becomes the dick.
I'm kind of that way now. I don't really mean to be, but I'm definitely not the same kid I was from middle school or high school because of that experience. Because of the fact that when I liked somebody or whatever it just went to crap. It changed me. It changed who I was as "a man." And it changed who I am now. I was like a closet nerd, and when you're in high school, things are different. It was hard to find someone who likes video games, and likes my kind of music, and all the stuff like that. Those are all the things that my close friends knew, that I was a hardcore nerd. Other than that I was just Cameron, the funny guy, the comedian. I don't think it was until my senior year that I really let people know that I was a dork. I had a giant transformation. I didn't drop my old friends. I've never been that type of guy to drop my old friends for new friends. I've always had the same group of friends and I've just added on to that. Who I was as a person changed.
But yeah, that was my awesome experience. Let me know if you've had any awesome experiences like that. Let me know if they changed you. I mean, of course, I know everything is not like that where the girls always screw over the guys. Maybe you were the girl that did everything for the guy and he screwed you over. Let me know in the comments or whatever. Let me know if there was some "traumatic" experience that changed you into the person you are or that began your journey into a different person. That's pretty much mine. That's pretty much every failure I've had with a girl, I've changed. I think I build myself around the fact that when a girl dumps me or a girl breaks my heart, I want to make myself so awesome that one day, she'll look back and just say, "I messed up. That was Cameron Parks. That was Geoffrey Cameron Parks. He is an BAMF now. Look at him with all his money and all his fame. Look at him with his million-dollar car and million-dollar car and million-dollar dick." I don't know. That's what I build myself around now because I want people to see me one day and honestly be like, "I messed up. I should've been nicer to him." Or, "I shouldn't have broken his heart."
But, I hope you all have an awesome week and hopefully by the next time I write, it will be a little shorter and a little more thought provoking. But in all seriousness let me know what experiences you've had that have changed you.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Grades, Education, and Possibly Some Motivation (Whateva')
EDIT: I've had a few complaints about the fluidity of this post, and believe me I've read it too. It is choppy for one main reason - it's cleaned up. The original was a harsh read as far as language and words, so I opted for rapids rather than a stream. Sorry. If you want the "Parental Advisory" post, let me know. If enough people want it, I will deliver, OR I can just send it to the individuals that want it. Keep in mind that all posts up to now have an uncensored version so you can ask for those too. Much love.
Who is your inspiration, like, how gives you more inspiration than anyone else? Now before I answer that, I want you to take a second, minute, hour and answer that for yourself.
Now my answer to who inspires me, of course the obvious ones, there are people like my mom or people who overcome things. It bothers me when people say, "Oh yeah, well my inspiration, my idol is Lebron James." Lebron James is 18 feet tall, if he could not dunk a ball over someone's head, he should be shot in the face like a horse who has a limp. But if there's one, specific person who inspires me, it's myself for overcoming myself every day. I am the most self-destructive person on the planet. =)
But honestly, there are two main inspirations in my life. You know, the thing that kept me kinda diggin' the whole knowledge thing. You know, growing up in middle school and high school, I never really got the attention of girls. It didn't really happen until the beginning of college when I sorta' came out of my social shell. That and when I lost so much weight part way into high school cause I was a huge when I was little. During the high school, I was just this skinny kid without a personality. Yeah, still working on that whole personality thing. Which if you're a girl you know that a fit dude with a fat guy personality is just amazing. Same thing for the guys when you find a pretty girl with a personality, you're saying, "What happened to you!? Are you from the future!? Bring me to your magical time machine!" Because, obviously, hot girls in the future have gotten hotter and what they see as ugly is still a 10 in our books. And all of the sudden it's just like, "omg, girls like me?", the guys are like, "your cool...dude, man." This was three months ago, the slang was completely different back then, you know broheme? People like me for being me? What is wrong with this world!?
And of course there's just the opposite spectrum of just hate. Haters, haters. Not even just people from the interwebs, just people who are just mean and rude and you're just like, "dude, I'm going to be so much better than you so I can look back at you and just be like, 'what a schmuck.'" Is it petty and mean-spirited, yes. And probably makes me a very bad person, but there's nothing like winning at life. You want to get inspired? Get angry. Someone calls you fat: lose that weight and then do something crazy (I cleaned that up... a bunch, be happy). Thus you win. Check mate. And as you can probably tell, anger has always been my biggest inspiration. Though, most of it has not been as evil. Or of hearing, "no you can't," all the time and then doing it. Really how can you change without a little destruction in the first place?
Now, what I think really matters, as far as motivation in education, is that kids are doing things that they are interested in, that they are tapping that drive to do stuff because it's fascinating, just tapping that curiosity. And just encouraging a sense of rigor that comes from the internal desire to master what they love not because it pays $x, or it gets you y, but because they understand how it all fits together. That kids are motivated by the joy of learning itself. Those are the things that, I think, the very best educators have been fighting for, but the trouble if that they've been fighting in a system that, often, suffocates that.
The purpose of grades is a form of feedback. The reason we want it to be that is because we want to know how we are doing, and the reason we want to know how we are doing is because we want to get better at what we are doing. But I think that point has been lost. That is, we often see grades as the goal, grades are the whole point of why you're doing what you're doing. And what that does, there has been research on this and it has been pretty clear, is that it allows to "perform" very well in the short-term, but it doesn't lead to any kind of enduring learning and leads to less profound kinds of learning. I don't have a single answer here. I don't know if the answer is eliminating grades, that seems to be a bit radical, but maybe that is the solution. But I think, getting back to first principles, they're a great form of feedback, it's getting kids involved in the process, yet in someways it is down-playing their significance. When I was in high-school school, I could've gotten very good grades. Not because I was learning anything, but because I knew the way to get good grades was to give the authority figure what he or she wanted it on time and neatly. It fosters a sense of compliance rather than engagement and it really short-changes kids over the long-haul.
But, of course, if you have any questions for me, just send them as a comment or look me up on facebook.
Who is your inspiration, like, how gives you more inspiration than anyone else? Now before I answer that, I want you to take a second, minute, hour and answer that for yourself.
Now my answer to who inspires me, of course the obvious ones, there are people like my mom or people who overcome things. It bothers me when people say, "Oh yeah, well my inspiration, my idol is Lebron James." Lebron James is 18 feet tall, if he could not dunk a ball over someone's head, he should be shot in the face like a horse who has a limp. But if there's one, specific person who inspires me, it's myself for overcoming myself every day. I am the most self-destructive person on the planet. =)
But honestly, there are two main inspirations in my life. You know, the thing that kept me kinda diggin' the whole knowledge thing. You know, growing up in middle school and high school, I never really got the attention of girls. It didn't really happen until the beginning of college when I sorta' came out of my social shell. That and when I lost so much weight part way into high school cause I was a huge when I was little. During the high school, I was just this skinny kid without a personality. Yeah, still working on that whole personality thing. Which if you're a girl you know that a fit dude with a fat guy personality is just amazing. Same thing for the guys when you find a pretty girl with a personality, you're saying, "What happened to you!? Are you from the future!? Bring me to your magical time machine!" Because, obviously, hot girls in the future have gotten hotter and what they see as ugly is still a 10 in our books. And all of the sudden it's just like, "omg, girls like me?", the guys are like, "your cool...dude, man." This was three months ago, the slang was completely different back then, you know broheme? People like me for being me? What is wrong with this world!?
And of course there's just the opposite spectrum of just hate. Haters, haters. Not even just people from the interwebs, just people who are just mean and rude and you're just like, "dude, I'm going to be so much better than you so I can look back at you and just be like, 'what a schmuck.'" Is it petty and mean-spirited, yes. And probably makes me a very bad person, but there's nothing like winning at life. You want to get inspired? Get angry. Someone calls you fat: lose that weight and then do something crazy (I cleaned that up... a bunch, be happy). Thus you win. Check mate. And as you can probably tell, anger has always been my biggest inspiration. Though, most of it has not been as evil. Or of hearing, "no you can't," all the time and then doing it. Really how can you change without a little destruction in the first place?
Now, what I think really matters, as far as motivation in education, is that kids are doing things that they are interested in, that they are tapping that drive to do stuff because it's fascinating, just tapping that curiosity. And just encouraging a sense of rigor that comes from the internal desire to master what they love not because it pays $x, or it gets you y, but because they understand how it all fits together. That kids are motivated by the joy of learning itself. Those are the things that, I think, the very best educators have been fighting for, but the trouble if that they've been fighting in a system that, often, suffocates that.
The purpose of grades is a form of feedback. The reason we want it to be that is because we want to know how we are doing, and the reason we want to know how we are doing is because we want to get better at what we are doing. But I think that point has been lost. That is, we often see grades as the goal, grades are the whole point of why you're doing what you're doing. And what that does, there has been research on this and it has been pretty clear, is that it allows to "perform" very well in the short-term, but it doesn't lead to any kind of enduring learning and leads to less profound kinds of learning. I don't have a single answer here. I don't know if the answer is eliminating grades, that seems to be a bit radical, but maybe that is the solution. But I think, getting back to first principles, they're a great form of feedback, it's getting kids involved in the process, yet in someways it is down-playing their significance. When I was in high-school school, I could've gotten very good grades. Not because I was learning anything, but because I knew the way to get good grades was to give the authority figure what he or she wanted it on time and neatly. It fosters a sense of compliance rather than engagement and it really short-changes kids over the long-haul.
But, of course, if you have any questions for me, just send them as a comment or look me up on facebook.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Update Soon!
At some point within the next day or two another blog will be up! I want to thank everyone for their support, and I plan to keep delivering. Also, I want to apologize for the lack of a more recent blog, I'll try to remain a little more consistent.
I'm also open to topic suggestions, so if you have something you want me to talk about all you have to do is let me know!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
C Students in Life, Giver Uppers, and Homeless People! The Triple Threat.
Let's talk about homeless people, rather: you read this. There are tons and tons of homeless people. A lot of them try to sell you random stuff like hand-made paintings, I mean some of them have kind of cool stuff, but a lot of them are just homeless people. They're always there, and so many of them are harassing people for cash or something. A part of me feels bad for them, but at the same time, if you're going to spend your entire day harassing people, why not switch it to doing something productive. And I can't, obviously, hate these people because there are some that really did just fall on hard-times or they got into drugs and it just tore their life apart. And I got through these phases in life where I just want to help everyone, but there are also times where I just think "forget it." What in my mind defines a person? It's not just their successes, it's not just their life, but rather how they have bounced back from when life $#!^ on them. It bothers me, and I want to move on from homeless people. Homeless people are homeless people.
When you, in your life, hit a hard patch -what do you do? Do you give up? Because then your that kind of person. Do you persevere? Then your that kind of person. Or do you just wade through it? You know, it's still there. You're that kind of person. Those are the kind of people that are in the world. And life does that to you a lot. Life dumps on you a lot. I've had to bounce back so many times. Many a times, I didn't really bounce back. I was just bottom feeding. I was wading through life. And that's the thing - I'm not better than anyone. Most of my successes were because I kept trying even though I was failing half the time. You just have to keep trying. I realize that I can fail every now and again, that I can make mistakes. I just try not to make a habit of it. I don't just give up because that's the kind of person I am. A lot of the things and the way I am is because I see things that I do not like. I share how I share because I see all these two-faced liars. That just lie straight to peoples' faces about who they are because they feel bad about it, or they know people will look down upon them. So I try to stay as honest as possible and I try to work as hard as possible. I've been around people who are just so, so, so lazy, and I always think if I'm that person then someone's going to feel that way about me.
We have opportunities that we may not get again, so let's do everything we can. Let's have fun, try new things, let's take the chance while we can. Internet people are not special, we're not complicated. We're everyone. You know? Use your chances. It's like that Eminem song that wasn't about killing and raping his wife. The one about achieving your dreams.
When people complain about anything in life, just remember the world is filled with C students. Now, there is no reason to be offended, and no, it's not an elitist comment of academic grades not meaning anything. What I mean is C students in life. The people that can, but don't. Not the people that bust their backs and they get a C. You busted your ass on a test, and got a C. Maybe you're not a good test taker, I don't know. But when you half-ass your way to mediocrity - I can't respect that. At all. At all, at all.
I hope this doesn't come off as "Cameron hates homeless people." I don't hate homeless people, I just love people who bounce back. Yeah, be that person.
I plan to blog again. Somewhere soon, and stuff. Also, I'd love to know what you guys think about this. I'd like to know what your most interested about in all this is.
When you, in your life, hit a hard patch -what do you do? Do you give up? Because then your that kind of person. Do you persevere? Then your that kind of person. Or do you just wade through it? You know, it's still there. You're that kind of person. Those are the kind of people that are in the world. And life does that to you a lot. Life dumps on you a lot. I've had to bounce back so many times. Many a times, I didn't really bounce back. I was just bottom feeding. I was wading through life. And that's the thing - I'm not better than anyone. Most of my successes were because I kept trying even though I was failing half the time. You just have to keep trying. I realize that I can fail every now and again, that I can make mistakes. I just try not to make a habit of it. I don't just give up because that's the kind of person I am. A lot of the things and the way I am is because I see things that I do not like. I share how I share because I see all these two-faced liars. That just lie straight to peoples' faces about who they are because they feel bad about it, or they know people will look down upon them. So I try to stay as honest as possible and I try to work as hard as possible. I've been around people who are just so, so, so lazy, and I always think if I'm that person then someone's going to feel that way about me.
We have opportunities that we may not get again, so let's do everything we can. Let's have fun, try new things, let's take the chance while we can. Internet people are not special, we're not complicated. We're everyone. You know? Use your chances. It's like that Eminem song that wasn't about killing and raping his wife. The one about achieving your dreams.
When people complain about anything in life, just remember the world is filled with C students. Now, there is no reason to be offended, and no, it's not an elitist comment of academic grades not meaning anything. What I mean is C students in life. The people that can, but don't. Not the people that bust their backs and they get a C. You busted your ass on a test, and got a C. Maybe you're not a good test taker, I don't know. But when you half-ass your way to mediocrity - I can't respect that. At all. At all, at all.
I hope this doesn't come off as "Cameron hates homeless people." I don't hate homeless people, I just love people who bounce back. Yeah, be that person.
I plan to blog again. Somewhere soon, and stuff. Also, I'd love to know what you guys think about this. I'd like to know what your most interested about in all this is.
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