Cameron Vs. Family

Before we even start, let's get a collective thought on what I mean by relationship. When I refer to relationship in this post, I'm talking intimate relationship. Ya know, like a girlfriend.

I've never been any good at introductions, so I may as well just tell you how I got this topic. With the introduction of the new author on the blog, I've found a new motivation. With that said, this blog stems from Josh's post on Wednesday. If you don't already know, Josh is the new guy on the stranger, and if you haven't already read his post then you should really take a moment, read it, then come back. Really. I'll wait. All finished? Okay. If you didn't read it, shame on you. In a simple way, he has a fear of raising a child in the coming future based on how kids today act. And it's a pretty reasonable fear, but this post isn't about him or his phobia. Instead, mine precedes the whole off spring thing. I'll be working backwards, do try and keep up.

The Family Thing:
Growing up, I never really had the best familial ties. They were there, just never really like the "TV family" or "nuclear family" or what ever you want to call it. During my teenage years, I cut ties with my father and his side of the family for - a lack of better word - my own mental health. That cut in itself eliminates half of the "family." Moving to my mom's side; yes I still talk to them, but there always seems to be something awry. I can't really put my figure on it, but something is amiss. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've always had the thought of the big family get-togethers, in the back of my mind, as some kind of perfect.

The Kid Thing:
Josh basically sums it up. If I were to raise a kid with my experiences of people, I would be scared out of my mind. I don't really have any other way to expand on what he had said other than to say that I have the same fear - to an extent. How do I explain to my kid where the family is?

The Marriage Thing:
Probably my biggest and most ironic fear. You see, I have this fear of dieing alone. At the same time, I fear marriage for one reason. Divorce. With how high divorce rates are, I fear thinking that I've found the right one just to get into daily arguments leading to shouting matches. It disheartens me. Do I let this stop me? No because of the whole preluding, "not wanting to die alone." Does it hinder? Among other things, yes it does. Which brings me to my next topic.

The Relationship Thing:
Now, I've never claimed to have the best relationships. In fact, I feel as though I hold some notoriety for bad relationships. I can honestly say that, save one, I haven't had a genuine, loving relationship with any girl I've been with. It's just been train wreck after train wreck. In this order, have been my past relationships first to last: she used me to get with another guy, cheated on me, the good one, a harlot, and the last had been married. Yes, you read that correctly. Stories to tell for another time. As you can probably assume, I'm a vegetable medley of distrust and doubt. Still working on it, and I feel as though things could shape up with time.

The Single Thing:
Yes, it is nice being single. You can see it in one of two ways: bad or good. Money you earned if spent on you, more freedom than if you were seeing someone, and of course a quiet phone. But there's also the other side of this. The money you earn can't make you happy. The person you share it with and spend it on can. The freedom is negligible based on the principle that you are with someone. Be faithful.. And the phone? There's someone who cares for you, they like talking to you. Could be a problem.

What you have just read is the paradoxical nature of my thinking. I want to be with someone, but I don't want to be unhappy were it to end. So let me ask you this: What would you do or what have you done or what would you suggest? And don't give the whole, "you're over-thinking" ploy. Let's get some real answers.

-Cam